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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I overthinking after 6 months with BF

7 replies

Jillymint · 30/10/2024 11:19

Hello everyone, this is my first time posting so please bear with me 😊
I've been seeing a guy for 6 months now and all seemed great at first, even considering the fact that we live 100 miles apart, we seemed to make it work.
I got the impression that he was kind, generous and thoughtful, and he has been consistent and honest since day one.
A couple of things have happened lately, especially when paying for things, as he seems to want to make sure we each take turns, whether that's buying the cuppa's or a takeaway.
I don't have a problem really with that, though it's nice to be treated sometimes, but there's been a couple of instances lately where he's said he will "get" it, but then I've had to pick up the tab the next time we've had food or whatever, so I've not been treated after all.
I'm the type who will buy little gifts, be it a pack of favourite sweets or something thoughtful, but he never does this, and the only time was once early on in our relationship.
He has never taken me out for dinner or on a date as such, though we go out for long walks and things with our dogs, and have taken a trip recently.
He is more financially better off than me, but I've always tried to do my part as I'd never take advantage, though I have had to budget at times.
He seems to be very careful with money, to the point where he washes everything in cold water, rarely has the heating on, and makes sure every switch and light is turned off, which sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable at his home.

He is kind in the fact that he will give me a warm bath robe to wear if I need one, borrow me some slippers, or even a rain coat.
Things are made more difficult by the fact he has a dog who he won't leave by itself, and who even shares our bed when I'm at his, which I don't really approve of,. He spoils her rotten, and though I don't think it's wrong, it is like having a small child at times, even sitting between us whilst on the sofa.
It's not possible for me to take my dog when visiting, so it's just his thas the focus of constant attention.
My dog sleeps at the side of my bed, but his also has to when they stay at mine.

I adore my dog, but have no problems with her at all, she's a great dog who gets a lot of attention from people, where his dog is timid and shys away.
I think it irks him a little that people make a big fuss of my dog, even though they try with his, but she stays in the background.
Might sound daft but I also have a suspicion that he gives the bigger share of treats to his, whilst I am busy getting the coffees etc!
These things are starting to worry me, and I'm not sure what to do really.
We get on well but there are big differences at times and I'm not sure if I'm just overthinking everything.
I'm due to visit again soon, and wondering if I should put it off, the train prices have also increased which hasn't helped.
Would be great to hear your thoughts please 🤔

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 30/10/2024 11:26

Honestly I think after 6 months, when you’re still in the honeymoon period, if you’re not happy then cut your losses and leave.

TwistedWonder · 30/10/2024 11:38

Hes tight with money, that’s who he is. He won’t ever change because watching every penny is deeply ingrained in the core of his existence.

This isn’t about splitting the bill or paying alternate dates, he’s miserly.

You've not been on a date in 6 months? You have to spend money every time going to his because he won’t leave the dog and he still doesn’t even take you for dinner or even a few drinks and pick up the tab?

No this would give me the massive ick - I’d gut your losses and walk. This won’t change

Waterboatlass · 30/10/2024 12:05

Sounds like he's not quite the one for you coupled with a distance which is enough of an inconvenience to bring forward a decision rather than allowing it to trundle on indefinitely.

Have you suggested fancier dates etc and he's refused or he just doesn't invite you proactively? If all else is well could be worth a chat to see if the small details make a difference but don't drag things out if you're not feeling it.

Was there ever the possibility of one moving to live together if things progressed? When dating, one of the most useful boundaries I set was a strict geographical limit of an hour's travel (on a clear run) and no more.

F40ish · 30/10/2024 22:08

I think it’s very early on to be having doubts. It sounds like these are smallish irritations that will only grow.

Pinkbonbon · 30/10/2024 22:58

Honestly....Boke.

He's tight, cheap and thinks its acceptable to let his dog share a bed with his new girlfriend.

Just overall yuck.

Bin with him.

Rockahula · 30/10/2024 23:03

I agree with the others. He sounds like a massive ick! I’d let go of him before he makes you feel really ill just at the thought of him 🤮

itsmylife7 · 30/10/2024 23:07

It's big NO from me.

Washing up in cold water and no heating.
(he's not doing it because he's short of money )

There's a word for people like that...tight arse .

Imagine living with him 🥶

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