help, am i just being stupid & paranoid?

[namiechangie]

dh has been working away for last 2 days. the 1st day that he went i rang him to see how he was getting on. dh said that he was in a van on the motorway, but when he picked the phone up he was really out of breath like he'd just run up the stairs, and he was definately inside (infact it sounded like he was in a bathroom)and i could hear the sound of someone walking across the floor distinctly behind him. dh said he was definately travelling, i was so angry i put the phone down and when he came home he just said nothing else about it. i know it sounds so stupid but he is definately lying and not mentioning it when he got home makes me even more suspicious. sorry its so long but i dont know what to do, i hardly slept last night. any ideas on what to do?

Do you have any reason to suspect him? Has anything happened before?

he has never cheated (as far as i know!) but did have a close friendship with a much older woman at work a few years ago that he didnt tell me about, i found out by chance. nothing happened but i was very angry about it. im not a paranoid person but i cant see why he would lie if nothing was going on

Trust your instint. Why would he be out of breath if he was driving?

Could you hear no cars at all in the background? If he was on a motorway, there would be a noticeable amount of backgkround noise, even if relatively quiet. Nevermind the actual engine noise of the van he was in.

Does sound fishy. I'd suggest letting it go - or at least making it look like you have whilst you go about getting some hard evidence. You accusing him of being inside and him saying he wasn't isn't going to make him break down and confess.

no traffic noise at all, not even the radio. i am worried that if i do find some hard evidence i will go beserk. dont even know how i am going to find out. have thought about phoning the hotel he was supposed to be staying in but just dont want to be that person who has to chase round finding where her husbands been. am so upset about it

if he has been cheating it will be the end of us. i'm not the sort of person who could ever let it go and move on

What Shewillbeloved says.

You might be partly right in that he WAS indoors, but perhaps the footsteps you heard were his own? He could have been alone. perhaps he was in the gents of a service station or something.

themoon66 the service station was where i thought he was but he said he said he was driving along the road he wasnt so why would he lie, wasnt concerned untill he lied

You don't want to be that person - but sometimes you have to be. Sitting back and not knowing will not make it go away.

Is there any way you can get hold of his phone? Or does he constantly keep it on him?

I don't normally encourage snopping about but this does sound dodgy and as much as i'd like to tell you he was driving.. in a van... on a motorway.. yet everything around him was completely silent, well let's just say i'm sure you're more intelligent than that

hes not precious about his phone. that was how i found out about his friendship at work, i just feel so terrible and sad we get on well, but i know he is lying and it really, really hurts

namiechangie - you could always phone the hotel and ask for a copy of the bill for accounting purposes of whatever. Might that help?

thanks might just bite the bullet and do it

The bill might not say anything though. It will say he had a room... not who stayed with him. I doubt he was silly enough to book it in both of their names.

so basically i'm screwed i have no way of finding out for sure and its driving me mad. the thing is my instincts are telling me something is not right and not knowing for sure is sending me insane

Try not to let it, once you have solid proof - then feel free to rough him up abit

You're not screwed. You just have to play him at his own game and start sneeking around too to get your evidence - if of course there is any.

Do you think he was at the hotel? Or at the 'other' womans house?

i know he did come back from portsmouth with someone from work (a man)but when he went i really dont know i only know what hes told me. hes very close to the md of the company he works for and he would cover up for him if it was needed. if i find out he has been cheating swbl i will reverse over him in the family car and feed him to his bloody dog for dinner (balls first)

Sorry you're in such a state, NC. I find it strange that he would lie, when it was SO clear he wasn't telling the truth. I hope this wasn't his way of letting you know something nasty. Men can be such cowards.

mabey you such just confrount him and even if he lies you will see his reaction to being asked iyswim

Ask him why he said he was in the van when you (think)know he was`nt

Are you sure about all this or is it just a suspicion which has got out of hand? If there's no other reason to suspect him then perhaps he was just out of breath and in the van with no radio on and all the windoes closed, blocking out traffic. Could he have been on the hands free with the bit he speaks into on his chest amplifying the sound and making him sound out of breath?

You could sneak around and look for evidence but what if you find none?

just say straight out. you said you were driving in the car but there was no traffic noise in the background, you sounded like you were in a room. where were you really?