Shouls I stay or should I go?

[Dizzyizzy3180]

I'm on here as a last resort- need some unbiased advice about complex relationship.
I'm a single mum (44) with a dd(6) and also care for my mum who has emphysema, 2 yrs ago I met an amazing person on online dating.
Ours is a long distance relationship and has had its ups and downs and my partner also has a dog that can't be trusted around children.
Because of this we have decided to just travel when we can to see each other until the day we can be together.
She has never wanted children and I accept that though she is amazing with my daughter she doesnt want the responisbility that comes with raising kids.
I raised the question of us living together one day- probably when dd is well into her teens or even moved out and she said it may never happen (she still lives with her ex and does everything for them) but if I moved to where she is we could still have an amazing relationship.
Its just hit me that I could potentially struggle on my own for years then should I move and leave everything, I could be stuck lonely as hell on my own for her to pop in and out when it suits while she lives with her ex?!
Apparently we are both stuck in our ways and it may be easier.
I'm really struggling atm as mum is deteriorating and I'm perimenopausal which really doesnt help.
This on top just feels too much and I feel like saying eff off then.
Shes very generous in so many other ways but that really floored me.

Ours is a long distance relationship and has had its ups and downs

Ups and downs
Long distance
Still lives with ex
Doesn't want kids, you've got a child.

What the fuck is the point of this?
Is the bar really so low?

This is going nowhere. This person still lives with her ex and "does everything for them" and isn't interested in your child. This isn't a relationship. I you move to be nearer where your partner lives, will she then stop living with her ex and move in with you, or are planning to still have a relationship with her whilst she is co-habiting?

Please OP - raise your bar a little, throw this one back and find someone nearer home who actually wants to with you.

Throw this one back. You and she are fundamentally incompatible. Stop miminising the red flags here present in this other person.

It is hard caring for a loved one with emphysema. It can be physically tiring and negatively impact your own physical and mental wellbeing. This is further exasperated by you having to shoulder the full family load as a loan parent to a 6 year old.

I know you that you desperately want someone in your life, and really enjoy those moments when things have been good with this woman.

But listen to the previous posters when they tell you that this gal is not for you - she is not serious about you, she is still engaged in some level of relationship with her live in ex-partner with no plans to move out.

The red flags are many and flying high for all to see.

Move on from this - there will be plenty others out there for you that will want a life with you, face to face, kid, warts and all.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate your understanding.