I recently moved out of the home I shared with my fiancé of 10 years. He owns the property, and we have a child together. He handled the mortgage and bills, while I paid for food, clothes, holidays, birthdays, and other essentials for our home, including contributing to renovations. My ex works away on a two-week-on, two-week-off shift pattern, while I work full-time in a demanding role. This dynamic meant that most of the daily responsibilities fell to me—juggling the children, chores, my job, and our dog—while he’d return as the “fun parent.” I still had to work full time while he had the flexibility to pursue hobbies and spend time with the kids. Over time, this left me stressed, exhausted, and withdrawn. He has a strong personality, while I’m more reserved, often going along with things to keep the peace. Our sex life mirrored this imbalance, and I often felt pressured when I was exhausted and uncomfortable.
When I moved out, he put in a lot of effort to change my mind. The children were upset and blamed me (and still do), which made things even harder. I’m still working full-time and caring for the children when he’s away, but now I have the added pressure of maintaining a new household on my own. Financially, it’s been tough—I left with only our clothes, while he’s been able to take the children on last-minute holidays and adventures that I simply can’t afford or get time off for. My youngest misses his home and naturally wants to stay with his dad when he’s back. While it breaks my heart, I’ve let this happen because I know he’ll have more fun with his dad, who has both the time and resources I’m stretched thin on.
I also let him keep the dog, so I’m alone in my new place. My ex and I still went on dates, and I’d spend weekends at his house, but I wasn’t ready to move back in, despite the pressure and guilt. Initially, he had agreed to help me with a deposit on a new house, but with us trying again, the situation became blurred. I was struggling financially, having essentially started from scratch. His solution was for me to move back in, but I wasn’t ready. When I asked for child support, it upset him; he felt I was making things permanent when he wanted us to reunite. He agreed to pay but has stopped talking to me except to confirm child arrangements. That was three months ago, and since then, he took time off work, assuming our son would stay with him the entire seven weeks. I’ve had my son over when his dad had plans, and I go to his football games and take him out for dinner, but with his dad able to offer more time and the familiarity of our old home, it’s natural he’d prefer to stay there. They’ve gone on holidays abroad, camping, sailing, spend time partying with friends and family, while I’m here alone, working, and missing out. It breaks my heart.
My ex makes these plans, and then my son asks if they’re okay with me—I feel guilty saying no and risk looking like the bad guy. This month, my ex didn’t pay child support as usual, without any prior discussion. I miss parts of our old life, and not seeing my son or dog as much is painful. It feels like my ex might be making things difficult on purpose to punish me, but I don’t want to be with someone who puts himself first. I adjusted my life around his needs and schedule, both when we were together and even more so now that we’re apart. I feel like I’ve lost my world —do you have any advice?