Opinions please

[DracunculusVulgaris]

Good morning - lying awake, ruminating, anxious and possibly overthinking, but would value opinions please...

There is a long backstory, but, essentially, I have been with my partner for nearly three years, although we do not live together, live 70 miles apart and I travel up every Friday, after work, to spend the weekend with her, leaving in the early hours of Monday morning and drive straight to my place of work.

From the start, I have seen some red flags fluttering in the breeze, but recently have become more aware of behaviours which might be described as 'dogwhistling', DARVO and 'triangulation'. She is loud, swears a good deal, prone to irritability and anger, is, by her own admission, bossy, has a relationship and attitude to alcohol which I am uneasy with (although I recognise that, as my mother was alcoholic, I am wary and cautious around it myself), poorly educated and, forgive me, lacking in intelligence and the ability to converse or write in an articulate and comprehensible manner. All the polar opposite to how I perceive myself.

Until now, I have not felt physically unsafe, but, on Saturday, something happened which has caused me to think that her behaviour is escalating in terms of risks to my physical, as well as mental wellbeing. We were at her mother's house, relaxing after having spent the afternoon helping her mum in her garden, had just eaten and were sitting on the sofa. She, and her mum were watching a 'cheesy' Christmas film (not my 'thing' and I had started dozing!). Suddenly she reached across to me, said "you will watch this film" and proceeded to squeeze the left side of my chest so hard that it hurt. I challenged her at the time and she did apologise and no more was said. However I did raise it again on Sunday and her response was that she hadn't done it - when I told her that she actually had, she then proceeded to tell me that she had forgotten, but, in any event, it was something she occasionally does to her adult son in 'fun' and that I was overreacting to 'playfulness'.

I am not so sure and see it as a ramping up of what I perceive to be abusive behaviours, but, and it is a big but, I am autistic and not always sure about the context and intent of other people's actions or words. I am also aware that I am very sensitive and have a tendency to take things to heart, can be very black and white about things, can be very 'proper' and am, apparently, "pompous, stuck up, a snob and have a stick up my arse"!

May I please have thoughts and opinions as to whether or not I am right to be concerned?

Sorry it is so long

Thank you to everyone who has replied, so kindly. I guess that I have been seeking validation that what I have been experiencing is not a figment of my imagination or a case of me making mountains out of molehills, that all the incidents over the last couple of years (and there have been many!) are all part of the classic trajectory of abuse, from insidious comments, controlling behaviours, separating me from my friends and family and, now, having me like a cowed and whipped puppy, moving on to physically hurting me. And I have been hoping against hope that I was mistaken, that I was seeing things which are not there or imagining what has been happening.

But, in my heart of hearts I now concede that not only are we not compatible, but I am at serious risk of mental and physical damage. Sad, but true - I am not a quitter or one to give up, but this is one situation where I have to yield - for the sake of both of us - and withdraw from the relationship.
I am, as someone suggested upthread, fearful of the consequences, but, most of all, I will mourn the loss of the closeness and connection I have with her mum, who is a very kind, gracious woman whom I adore, who is a champion for me, an ally, supporter and, perhaps, a replacement for my own mother who was largely emotionally absent for most of my life, and that of my siblings, as a result of her alcohol dependence. So, here I am, a 60 year old, adult male, running scared! C'est la vie!

Thank you all, for your input, it is very much appreciated.

Perhaps she is correct and I am 'pompous' and a 'snob'

Well, you really don't like her and you've written nothing pleasant about her, so whether or not you're pompous, the relationship is dead.

Move 140 miles away.

You both sound dreadful. She's abusive, and you're supercilious and contemptuous.

That is your takeaway away?

Bloody hell.

I fully agree with this summation.

OP your post says a lot in terms of your mum and your upbringing. You clearly formed a bond with this lady’s mum and she will have been part of the reason why you have kept this situation going.
But you have learned a lot.
You are also someone who is prepared to drive all that distance every week to be with someone.
Maybe think about getting some counselling. To sort through your early years and what’s happened in your relationship.
60 isn’t old at all, you have many years to go.
Maybe next time find someone closer to you in every way - on the map, and on your wavelength as well.