Am I wrong

[40isntsobad]

So back story - we have 3 boys ranging from 2-11 - my husband has his own company - I work 4 days a week and look after the children/ clubs/ house

he works and then goes out with friends - we see him for 5 minutes when he gets changed in between then not till 7.30/8 every night - he will finish early for pub crawls/ playing football etc.

I know it’s stressful having a business - he drinks a lot - changes when he has had a drink - blames me for not doing enough - not helping out with the company - if it fails it’s all my fault - is insulting and puts me down calls me worthless/ useless etc - am I wrong?

Should I give up everything to help him - the trust in our relationship is running thin so I refuse to give up my job to solely rely on him? I do help him about 10 hours a week but honestly I have just about enough hours to fit a shower in let alone anymore - im
run ragged but beginning to feel like i deserve this?

You are supposed to be a partnership OP.
Why does everything run to his rules, what suits him?
Why is he going out drinking, doing his hobbies and treating you like his servant?
Don't give up your job for heavens sake . Increase your hours to increase your independence .
You need to talk to him. He needs to to do his fair share of parenting and household upkeep.
If he isn't prepared to do that then you should explore how things would pan out if you seperate.

Why is his social life and hobbies a higher priority than you and his children?

He doesn’t sound very nice, OP. If he needs additional help with the business, he could employ someone.

I have always done the parenting - when our children were born he was back at work the next day (I won’t mention the messaging/ taking another lady out when my youngest was 10 weeks old)
it’s hard as he throws back at me “who earns the most money” we won’t survive without his business - I feel guilty for not helping more - I take my son out on my day off and I’m constantly getting phone calls why am I not working for him/ helping with his job - put my child in childcare for the 5th day. I live my day off on edge - it’s not healthy is it 😞

Oh my goodness this sounds like my life a few years ago . Sadly the drinking got worse and I didn’t know what version of drunk I was dealing with . He controlled all the money and his time was more important than mine - he went out drinking on the days my parents died . I suggest - keep a diary it’s so easy to forget behaviour .I left as I wanted better for my 3 boys , I was burnt out .

So he's an unfaithful, abusive, bullying drinker?

I'd be looking at divorce, not giving up your job.

I think you should break your mum times into sections and split between the two of you. You are both working. . Bath time, bedtime reading time etc and see how many he hits.
Report that if he doesnt hit targets with family, he's failing too.

Well if he earns all that money make sure you get a fair chunk of maintenance

the whole thing seems doomed I’m afraid

No, op, you're not wrong. You're just married to an alcoholic, abusive, selfish, pointless arsehole.

He isn't bringing any value whatsoever to yours or your children's lives is he?

No, don't give up your job to help him, you would have to be literally insane to do that.

Get the numbers. Get evidence of the numbers. Do the maths. Get divorced.

Don’t invest any more of your time into the business. Try to up your hours at work instead. I don’t see this marriage lasting. Your only value to him is in what you can do for him.