Been together 10 years, married 7. We have 3 kids
He’s a good guy, a good dad, obsessed with his job and bringing money in to give us a good life, but f’ck me is he hard to live with.
I feel exhausted with frustration, due to the fact I cannot communicate with him at all. Whenever I have a problem he either says ‘ that’s harsh’ .. ‘ don’t be silly’ pulls a silly face, or makes a joke.
Always had a great sex life that we’ve oddly always been proud of, him more than me.. but just found out he’s started watching porn, maybe I’m naive there. But what’s that about? And I really want to broach it with him, I tried but he denied and blamed my 14 yr old. So I called bullshit, and he laughed it off.
I digress, I cannot talk to him about ANYTHING serious or any concern I have, he dismisses everything. My feelings, concerns. This is disrespectful right?
I used to think it was because he was on anti depressants, blocking his ability to feel some stuff.. but now he’s not on those anymore, maybe I’m thinking it’s an ‘on the spectrum’ related thing? He has a weird relationship with his mother, no one ever confronts anyone in his family, they push any feeling down and ignore any feeling they may have.
so now what? Maybe marriage counselling.. ? But I doubt he will want to go. Staring down the barrel of a life where none of my wishes or concerns are ever heard and it’s making me so bottled up with anxiety and resentment I want to scream.
His entire schedule and hobbies and work take over the calendar, and I can’t get the momentum , or energy, to do anything for myself as he’s always booking things in.
I feel like I’m in the sea, and he’s pushing me down to get the life he wants whilst I drown, and any time the sea is calm and I get my head above water, another wave comes in the form of him booking stuff up or his life totally taking over mine.. actually now I’m writing it, it sounds toxic.
I don’t have the best self esteem, and although confident, feel like I’m only living a quarter of what I’m capable of. I’m a people pleaser and I’ve just been walked over in the nicest possible way. Maybe the way I treat myself is showing him how to treat me.
x