Only sexual partner/ considering affair

[ceefercat]

I've been married for 25 years
We met when I was 19. Got married and when I was 25.
He is the only man I had ever had sex with .
I love him very much , he is my best friend and we have a good sex life.
However I have met a man - he has feelings for me and I fancy him.
My husband hasn't been 100% faithful to me . I don't know the extent of his 'affair' but about 8 years ago he definitely had an emotional affair - not sure if they had sex.
I can't get out of my head how much I want this other man. And that I have never slept with another man.
Nothing has happened and I think I just need to get a grip but I just keep fantasising

Keep it as a fantasy as it probably won't be as good as you think.

Most of the time sex with a new person is quite unsatisfying - they don't know your body or what makes you tick.

If your relationship is otherwise good and your happy, don't ruin it for some potentially average dick.

I don't think you should justify your own potential infidelity out of what your dh did - you chose to stick around afterwards to make things work. That doesn't mean holding onto it as some kind of trump card for you to do the same.

You could always talk to your dh about opening the marriage if you'd really like to experience shagging someone else

Either talk to your DH about an open marriage or leave it well alone.

It sounds like your husband would jump at the chance of an open marriage.

If you do love your husband, you will overwhelmingly regret throwing away everything you have for the chance to experience another, probably very average, dick.

Fantasise all you like, but keep them fantasies or find a way to play them out in your marriage.

Sounds like the "affair" your dh had is unfinished business. Did you both discuss this and explore why he did this? Did you just both sweep it under the carpet?
Seems to me you are trying to justify your feelings for this other man because of your DH's past behaviour.
It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
Why don't you both just be honest with each other and talk about things? And if you really want this other guy go for it openly but don't just play tit for tat.

What is the end game?
Do you want to keep your marriage?
Could you have sex and not be emotionally involved?

This OM has feeling for you which makes it difficult and unlikely to be just sex.

You love your husband and he is your best friend.
How did his infidelity affect you?
Do you really want to do that to him?

Long marriage.
Only one sexual partner.
Husband been unfaithful.

These things already sound like the list of excuses you are compiling to give yourself permission to be unfaithful to your husband.
Either his affair is behind you or it isn’t. His infidelity would not excuse yours, if the basis of reconciling your marriage is that you have both agreed to continue with monogamy.
You love your husband and he is your best friend. No matter how lovely a fantasy it is with this other man, keep it as a fantasy as you no doubt wished your husband had when he had an emotional affair and no doubt broke your heart.
Ask yourself if you want to be the kind of person who betrays and cheats their best friends and those they love, in essence that is what you are doing. If you already know that this man has feelings for you, you have already crossed the emotional affair line to even be having conversations like that.
This is a fantasy and an obsession and has added sparkle to your everyday life and at the same time could totally ruin it.
If what you say about your life and how you feel about your husband is true, you need to decide if having sex with somebody else is worth trashing it for. If you need to explore, be honest with your husband and give him the choice of whether he is ok with this or not.
It’s hard to kick obsessions and crushes, fantasising is fun. The reality of the consequences of making it real are not.
You are already in an emotional affair if you are sharing confidences with another man and he feels comfortable enough to tell you he has feelings for you, nobody blurts this out of the blue. Run a mile before you do something really stupid and regret it, you won’t be able to undo what you did.

@ceefercat, in your other thread you state that this OM is also married, and you see him in a group you’re a part of.

If you two are at the stage of expressing feelings and acknowledging fancying each other, you are already having an emotional affair. You are playing with fire and making fools of your spouses. How does harming an innocent woman [like you were harmed] and humiliating your H make you feel?

You chose to stay with H after his EA, but it sounds like you didn’t require him to come clean with the full story. You elected to move forward in reconciliation to rebuild the marriage, yet you are now taking steps to destroy it via your faithless behavior and investment in OM. You are also diminishing yourself.

Having this sneaky affair and escalating it is a really bad idea. My advice is to quit the group and cut off OM.

This is fab! And love the descriptiom 'average dick' haha