Feel trapped

[Jezzyabell]

I split up with my partner of 10 years and father of my two children for 6 months then got back together this was due to him cheating on me and lying about drug taking after 6 months we split up again this time due to the drugs again (cocaine), we split for ten months this time. I stupidly forgave him and thought I wanted him back due to him being nice and I thought he had changed. He’s off the drugs now I make him take regular drug tests. But I don’t love him anymore and I have took him back and trapped myself. I forgot how controlling he is and he just makes me feel massively depressed, I don’t fancy him at all tbh he knocks me sick and I’m always in a mood because I can’t stand him. Now I feel trapped because he’s helping my dad with a job and my dad needs him and he thinks he’s great and is keen on us being together, so I’m trying to put up with him because of this and also for my kids to have their dad around. But I don’t no how much longer I can stay with him, he also makes me feel guilty for throwing him out yet he’s constantly accusing me of cheating on him he says little comments if I just go to the shop, there’s an atmosphere in the house and I’m so unhappy but it’s all my own stupid fault by letting him back now I’m trapped and I don’t no what to do. I just feel like I’m gonna be letting everyone down because I’m not happy. My family are all narcissistic there will be no understanding from them at all

Hi OP. This sounds a bad situation for you that you need to get out of. Why do you feel trapped? The fact that he is working with your Dad should not make a difference, surely? What is it that makes you feel you cannot escape?

He’s working on a house my dad’s bought to do up and without his help my dad is going to majorly struggle. When he left for ten months he barely seen the kids and never answered to them so I know what he’s going to do and it’s u fair as my daughter is ten and I don’t want her to be mentally affected by my choices which is ultimately going to happen. He also financially supports us and has control again as he won’t let me work and when he was gone I had a job and now I can’t do anything f as he is constantly accusing me of meeting lads and gives sly comments all the time. I’m so depressed he’s only been back 4 months and we are constantly bickering none of us are happy but he won’t leave because he has nothing without me and he knows it I was so happy on my own I’m a fool for taking him back none of my friends want to listen because their sick of my going on so I can’t even speak about how I’m feeling. What am I meant to do I’m going to let everyone down, because to everyone else he’s mr perfect. Behind closed doors it’s like walking on egg shells

What he is doing for your Dad is between them - you are not responsible for their working arrrangement. Anyway, he can still go on doing the work for your Dad if you split up (which you need to do).
What do mean by he "won't let" you work? That's up to you. He can't stop you working. Do you feel afraid of him and what he might do? If so, its even more urgent that you get away from him with your DC.
Your girl and other DC are going to be affected if they have an unhappy Mum who is controlled by her man who makes life miserable. Whatever you choose will affect her, but seeing you like this and him being controlling and obnoxious will affect her more than him being out of the picture until she is older. Do you think that is right, based on splitting up before? It is very bad for her to grow up thinking this is what women have to put up with. If you can model strength and independence, that will be much better for her than how you are now. You won't be letting anyone down by making a strong choice in a difficult situation - one that is best for you and your DC. And who cares what people think? What people anyway - are you worried about your family or someone else? It really doesn't matter what they think. You split with him before, so you know you can do it. Do you need help to do it again?

My family are very opinionated about me they think he’s some hero and they love him they don’t believe anything bad about him n they brush it off if I try telling them because he’s helping them with this work and he won’t be seen again once I get rid of him, when I was working he said I only go there to meet lads and he’d be sat in a mood when I got back made it easier to leave, if I go to the shops he comments sly things like slag under his breath or says bet that’s where ur going in an accusations manner. He questions my every move I have realised I was so much happier alone but I realise iv done this to myself and now I’m the one who’s not in love anymore he is still in love with me even tho he shows it wrong. So now I’m financially dependent on him again so I’m going to have to figure something out so I can leave as iv got a 16 year old a 10 and 2 year old

You seem to care too much about your family's opinions. That is not really the issue. The issue is you need to leave this controlling nasty man, and get back your independence. Doing that will get back your self-respect as well. If you are putting up with him calling you slag, then you don't have enough self-respect. What is this showing your daughters? That is far more important than what your family members happen to think right now. If you leave, there will be a chance if you want it in the years ahead to tell them the truth about the relationship. In the meantime your DC and you are more important. Take of yourself and them.