Husband calling me lazy to friends

[Mumbelle44]

My husband has made a few comments when we have been with friends recently implying I do nothing around the house and that he is the ‘back bone of our family.’ I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say. He gets annoyed if I say anything like that was rude or if I ask him anything so it is difficult to bring it up without causing world war 3.

For context we both work and earn the same. I do all the cooking, cleaning, tidying, washing, put all the clothes away etc . He loads the dishwasher when I ask him. Does anyone have any tips of speaking to someone who flys off the handle when you try and bring something like this? Thank you x

yes its called divorce

Embrace WWIII and divorce the pointless prick.
A misogynist with a temper and open contempt for his wife is not marriage material.

Yeah, my tip is tell him whatever you want and let him lose his shit. If he becomes aggressive or violent that’s a different matter , you haven’t said he does this so I’m going to assume this would be out of character.

Sounds like it’s time to draw some new boundaries. Walking on egg shells because someone’s going to get upset is no way to live. He is responsible for his own feelings and regulating his own emotions.

Thestudio ‘s post is 100%

You sound scared of him OP. I can’t think of any other explanation as to why you would allow him to pull you down in front of your friends and not fight back. Especially if what you say is true and he’s actually the lazy one. I’d be telling it like it is and then completely rethinking the relationship. Sounds like it’s time to leave.

LOVE IT!!!!

Stop doing anything that's directly for him, such as his laundry or work lunches. With everything else, tell him every time you do something. As in "I've hoovered the house for you Dave" "I've washed the dishes for you Dave".

Then get your ducks in a row, as mumsnet says, and divorce the arsehole. It won't get better.

Make sure you respond at the time he makes the comments, in front of the friends, if you’re worried about his response. And then consider divorce from this disrespectful loser.

Right in front of his friends, I'd say "yeah, on your planet!"

"There are only so many times you can ask someone to help"

@Mumbelle44 You wrote that, and I'd like to ask you to read it back to yourself. There are two words in it that I'd like you to concentrate on: 'ask' and 'help'.

He should be doing his share of household chores and all the rest of it. He's not 'helping' you to do them, because that reinforces his idea that all the housework is your responsibility, and he's just lending you a hand every now and again.

There shouldn't be any need to 'ask' either, because all you want is to expect him to do his half. There are two adults in the house, and there should be equal division of labour.

So since asking him to help hasn't worked, then maybe you need to tell him to get his finger out and do his fair share, because you are sick and tired of doing it all, and you're not going to put up with it any more. And follow that through.

I would seek legal advice with a view to divorcing this man. He is no decent example of a husband to you, let alone father to his children. You’re being abused by him.

It's time to go to counseling and if he doesn't agree to, start preparing for separation. If that doesn't sort him, it's divorce time.

I'm sorry but it is that bad. You do practically everything in and for the household, yet you get belittled and yelled at. That's is not a partnership, that's you being his maid. And he seems to like it because he's pushing you further into that pigeonhole with his comments.

I'm sorry but it's time to smell the coffee. It's not just about finding a way to talk about this calmly when he's deliberately blocking your every attempt to equalise anything. It works for him.

"Really? I mean we work and earn the same but I do all the housework on top. But sure your the backbone." 🙄

I'd definitely call him out on it either at the time or after. If you don't feel you can because of his reaction I'd seriously question what value he brings to your relationship

I'd give him Ww3 and 4. Then I'd make a show of him in front of everyone. He's going to continue to treat you like poo. Hope you realise this.

I would have called him out on it infront lf everyone. The fucking cheek of thinking you wouldn’t expose his lie. He insulted you and expected you to endorse the lie that made you look bad and him good.

That’s really manipulative.

This isn’t going to get better OP he’s horrible. LTB.

I was married for 25 years to someone with a horrible temper. He was /is very clear thinking /articulate in an argument and believed his own viewpoint so strongly that I really lost any confidence I had to stand up to him. So I rarely did. Over the years ate away at my self-esteem. It was exhausting to live in conflict, protect the children and keep the whole family show on the road. I was finally able to separate when he met someone else, and life has been brilliant ever since : ). Looking back I regret the years I tried to stay married for the children’s sake and wish I’d been more assertive. Life is short! Be strong OP, it is unlikely to resolve itself without you deciding a few boundaries and sticking to them, and also being prepared to end the relationship. All my love to you.

He sounds like an arrogant big headed twat that was showing off. If he says you do nothing then do nothing and he will soon see.

I wouldn’t stay with someone I had to tip toe around. I’ve done it before and it was ridiculous.