Just after some outside perspectives as I don't really have close family and friends I can talk to.
I got out of a very toxic relationship over a year ago. Me, early 50s, him early 60s. The main reason for it's toxicity was his very close relationship with his ex-wife (no kids). He wanted to maintain contact and a friendship with her (ok, that's fine, not a problem with that at all), but he would not include me in this friendship in any way at all. For me this crossed far too many boundaries as he wouldn't even tell me if it when they'd met up, he wouldn't talk about how she was, what she'd been doing and even wouldn't answer the phone to her whilst I was there. She would send lovey, kissy texts whilst we were on holiday together (sorry, yes I did look which I know was very wrong). He always denied there was anything other than friendship, but it ate away at our relationship and became a constant source of arguments. I always felt the relationship had 3 sides. We split.
Roll on a year and I decided I was ready to start OLD. I've been out on a few dates. Some lovely men (but no spark), some downright weirdos. Some which were clearly players.
Anyway, I met one bloke who is lovely, generous, thoughtful. We've been away for weekends a couple of times and I enjoy his company. We've been seeing each other a couple of months, so it's very early days. He's a little older than me, but but that much. Good job, own house etc so it's not like he's a cock-lodger. The problem is that my children are older teens. One has flown the nest and is at university, the other lives full-time with his Dad. Since their Dad and I split I've been starting to live my life a bit more eg travel, going out etc, which I didn't get much chance to do during my 20 year marriage.
The new man has 2 DC aged 12 and 9, so they will be dependent for many years yet. He's been through court to get 50% custody and now has them every other week. That's great. The fact a father loves his children enough to fight for them when so many will walk away.
The only problem is that I'm done with that stage of parenting. I've been through it with my own DC and don't relish the idea of compromising my freedom. The court process to get awarded 50% custody was also messy and I don't want to get drawn into someone else's mess. That said, at our ages, we all have baggage. It's too early for me to have met them yet and I'm not averse to getting involved with them, but I do not want to live with someone again.
This guy seems to be one of the good ones. I don't want to live with someone ever again (which he knows), but I would like a full and committed relationship.
So, do I stick it out because he's great but maybe keep away from his child custody issues etc (I don't want to get dragged into that at all), or do I walk away and look for someone child-free (either because the DC have grown and left home, or because they never had them). Tbh I think someone who ticks all those boxes is probably like finding unicorn poo and at our ages we all have baggage and at least in his case the baggage isn't an over-invested ex-wife.
So, wwyd?