Background - ExDP and I have DC7. We were casually dating and it was a surprise. After DC was born we kind of half-tried to be in a relationship for around a year but it wasn't going anywhere (he didn't want marriage/kids for another 10 years) so we ended it. I then had DC4 with a private donor and have been a single parent since then.
For the past year exDP and I would see each other now and then and would have conversations/he would send messages along the lines of 'we have such a nice time together, it's a shame we want different things.' He was still going out and living a very free single life.
Two months ago - he sits me down and tells me he's been in love with me this whole time, he can't be in a relationship with anyone else because he only cares about me, he wants to eventually get married and adopt both of my children as his and have another child together.
So, OK. We try going out once a week - either I get a babysitter and we go out, or he comes over after the kids are asleep and leaves late at night. He talks a lot about how he hates his friends settling down, and says he doesn't look forward to having another child but that it's 'what you do'. He hosted a house party but said it's too early for me to meet his friends and I wouldn't fit in with them. Says he wants a family but 'not for a long time,' and he 'moves slowly,' and 'nothing is guaranteed.' Whereas if I get into a relationship, I want a real relationship or nothing.
I know we can't go from 0 to 100 but I feel like there isn't much here that makes me feel like this is real, and my worst nightmare is being stuck in something that's not really a relationship, but rather my ex coming and going when he wants and derailing my life. But at the same time...I'm not sure what he could do to make me trust his intentions.
Advice appreciated!