Hi there I’m looking for some advice please.
I've got some concerns over my husband’s behaviour and just wanted to see what others thought and maybe what I should do.
we have been together for 5 years and in all that time he never talks about his family and very rarely spends time with any friends.
He never talks about nice memories or experiences etc and it seems odd to me, because when asked he tells me he had a great upbringing and his sisters are close to his parents and they do seem really lovely and sweet.
I had a difficult childhood but still have some good memories and occasionally will remember stuff and talk about it fondly as do many of my own friends and family.
its like he has no emotional connection to anyone or anything. Other than me.
he also has no passion or drive for anything, he likes to watch football but that’s literally it. He has no hobbies or interests or even topics that excite him or give him pleasure. Even when he does watch the football he doesn’t talk about it or seem too passionate and only watches it on the TV by himself or in the pub with me. He will do things that I have planned and he seems to enjoy them sometimes but other times he will act cold and aloof especially if we are with other people. I get the sense he is purposely doing this and when challenged he becomes angry and defensive. He cannot take criticism at all and can be verbally aggressive but never physically.
he is impossible to talk to and will deflect everything I say.
An example of this playing out is:
we went out with one of his friends and his wife to watch a gig. My husband was charm personified all night because it was important to him I made and effort to bond with his friend and the wife even though the music was crap I still danced and smiled and had a good time.
because- I wanted to support him and make a good impression on his friends.
but, when I was invited to a gig with some family members of mine, he sulked and spent the whole concert stood to the side hardly talking, unsmiling and purposely keeping a distance from everyone.
i had my family asking ‘what is wrong with him’ there was nothing wrong as such and I got the impression he was purposely trying to sabotage the day and make it as unpleasant as possible but I cannot fathom why?
for context at home he is usually pleasant enough and can be loving and affectionate towards me. But it feels like he is only happy and nice on his terms.
when I challenged him on this he either denies his behaviour is problematic or says he doesn’t like my family (because I had a tough childhood) I don’t buy this excuse and feel he is using my own trauma to manipulate me and he also doesn’t seem to like his own family or anyone else much for that matter.
what on earth?! Also he would not do therapy or counselling I suspect he would be silent and sulking the whole time even if I did get him to go.
sorry for the long message and thank you.