Husband overreacted?

[SillyBear1]

Overreacted or abusive?

DD hasn’t been well lately - I was in hospital with her all day Friday (as well as being in agony with an awful UTI myself so that was fun) as the Dr wasn’t happy with a rash she had. I’ve been taking the 48 hour sachets for it but they haven’t worked.

In the early hours she woke up crying so DH went in to see her. For some reason she’s all for me all day but on a night she will scream for DH if I go in and refuse to settle as she wants a cuddle with him (as well as me being unwell). I’d also got up with her early yesterday morning so he could stay in bed for a lie in.

She then woke up again a bit later and I heard him say he was just going to leave her to cry. I asked if he’d offered her a drink/anything else as she didn’t seem to drink a lot yesterday. DH will just go in and expect crying to stop, without looking for any possible reason why.

He then absolutely exploded in temper saying he was tired and I should get up instead of being a sack of potatoes, called me a stupid c£&t and yanked the duvet off me forcefully. I asked him not to speak to me like that and went to close the bedroom door, putting my hand on his chest to try and manoeuvre him out of the way of it without force.
Appreciate this wasn’t the best decision but I just wanted him away. He then pushed me forcefully so I fell and caught my leg on the sharp corner of our bed so I’ve got a graze/bruise. I got up and closed the bedroom door but he then angrily opened it and forced it open again when walking downstairs.

He came back to bed a bit later without saying anything and is yet to get up although has sent DS downstairs to see me (been up for hours having a new flare up of said UTI).

Your DH sounds awful. Not only was he prepared to let your DD "cry it out" when she has an unexplained rash and has just had a day in hospital, but he's assaulted you and called you a vile name into the bargain (whilst you're unwell yourself).

Make sure to take a photo of your injury. Has he behaved like this before, or is it new? Either way, it's abusive behaviour and not acceptable in a relationship.

He’s abusive
im so sorry

That is abusive behaviour OP.
He has crossed the line: physically assaulted you and called you names and shown his lack of care over the welfare of his own child.
I think you shout seek advice from Women's Aid.

Thank you.

This is new - he was annoyed about being tired and that he’d already been in once before. Not that it excuses anything but he’s really hard work where sleep is concerned and a bit like a teenager. He wants to get up at the last possible minute and will set lots of alarms and snooze them. I’ve had to ring him a few times to get himself up to make sure DS wasn't going to be late for school (when en route back from taking DD to nursery).

We’ve got a surveyor coming this AM and I know he’d set an alarm for 7.30 so we’d have chance to tidy around and get the children ready, but he’s still upstairs in bed and I can barely get off the toilet for any amount of time (sorry for the TMI, will have to get antibiotics today)

I don’t know if he’s been festering being annoyed because his friends were out day drinking yesterday and he couldn’t go because of me and DD being ill. He hates not being able to go out with his friends and has told me he’s ‘owed’ a time out because he missed this one.

I think I would be telling him that due to his behaviour he can spend as much time with his friends as he wants now that he is a single man! Can you cancel the surveyor for now? Could you stay with family until you and dd are feeling better?

The surveyor is coming as part of an urgent remortgage. DH wanted to be the one in ‘charge’ of these things so to speak and told me our fixed rate was until early next year. He hadn’t read things properly and we got a letter recently saying it ends very soon and will double to an unaffordable amount if not remortgaged.
I don’t have anyone else we could go and stay with either 🙁

Ah. Is he in charge of things financial too?

Watch out for that if he is. My exh was also really controlling financially and has ruined us.

Besides finances, he sounds like a knob. He's owed time off from family blah blah. Doesn't want to get up out of bed to meet the needs of his child? You married a perpetual 17 year old.

Now he's injured you.

And it won't get better.

He's abusive. Being a bit grumpy after a tough day is acceptable , name calling and/or physical aggression isn't.

You need to leave with the children op. This won't get better.

When your uti has gone you need to make a plan to get away. Gather documents , legal advice etc. Its not going to be easy , but it's easier than living with your husband's abusive behaviour and much healthier for you and the kids.

Abusive and financially controlling. He usually goes out drinking during the day?

Oh my goodness OP. So he actually resents the fact his DW and DD are ill because it means he can't go out drinking all day with his pals? What a nasty piece of work he sounds.