Should your partner prioritise you and your children?

[Lala1962]

For context, my partner (32) and I (29) are currently discussing moving away from where we currently live, his hometown and where we met, as it is in a very expensive area of the country and we simply cannot afford to live here. We have a 4 month old baby girl.

DP is very upset/angry about the situation which I do understand given he would be moving away from his family (mum, brother and grandparents) and friends and the place he has lived his whole life. However we have explored all possibilities of staying here and are out of viable options. We’d be looking at least 2/3 hours away from where we are now to get anything decent.

In a discussion last week, I told DP that he and DD were my priority and my main goal was to live somewhere we all have a future together, hopefully with another child (which he also wants). DP responded that whilst we are important in his life, his other family and friends are of equal priority to us so he can’t just think about our needs and the life we deserve.

I’m not saying that family and friends are not very important as mine are to me and you should absolutely make time for them and put effort into your relationships with them but my view is that your partner and children (if you have them) should be your main priority and you should put them first then make things work with everyone else around them?

AIBU to think that? Not sure if I’m overthinking it but what he said has stuck with me and hurt a little bit. I would always put him and DD first in my life.

3 hours from extended family sounds like hell no wonder he is expressing that.

I don’t think it’s as easy and simple as you’re making it sound. It’s not a case of him not prioritising you that you seem to want as much as you seem to want him to disregard anything and everything else, even that which is also very important to him, and to only focus on / think about you and your child. I can understand his upset here, it would be pretty shit to have to move so far from extended family you’re close to, I expect you understand that feeling!

All that being said, it’s very unfair of him to simply bury his head in the sand when there is a good answer to the situation you find yourself in, he has to be realistic about what you can afford and also understanding of the fact that while you’ll be moving as a family away from his family, it will be much closer to yours, who you’ve lived at some distance from for some time!

I am so glad I married a wandering nomad like myself I would hate to be stuck where I was born. We have had an interesting life with our moves.

Each to there own but I wouldn’t consider 2-3 hrs very far away.

I moved away for the same reasons and irs horrible not having your family and friends close enough to see without a load of hassle. Does it really have to be 2/3 hours away? That seems like a huge jump!!!

And yes you and his family are his priority but as you said it shouldn’t be all he has, if he’s angry/ bitter about it you’re all going to have a very tough ride- I’d leave it to him and tell him to figure out what you can sensibly do (but as I said 3 hrs seems nuts!!)