Am I overreacting?

[Molly1981]

My partner and I have been living together for 3 years. He's a great man in so many ways but he's obsessed with his hobbies and sometimes I feel he's not invested in us. He is always on his phone looking at scores, like every minute while a game is on (his team and others) or booking his next game with his mates but he rarely ever makes any plans for us. I've spoken to him about it but it doesn't make any difference. I'm always the one to come up with the plans and it's starting to get to me. I also don't feel very supported. A month or so I was very ill but I had to walk the dogs. I was in tears it was so hard. He went to play his sports knowing I wasn't well. Then I had an incident that really knocked me for six and effected my mental health and I just wanted a little bit of support, but that week he went out playing his sports 4 days in a row. I'm now feeling he's just not got my back but as soon as he needs my help, I'm there.
I don't want him to give up his hobbies. It's good for him and it's good for us to have time apart but I just don't feel supported or that we are that important. It feels like he just wants me around to watch TV at night and to cuddle up to. Thoughts please and thank you.

He sounds like a selfish arse, to be frank. I read recently that men are hugely more likely to leave their wife after a cancer dx than wives are to leave their husbands. It sounds as if yours is in this mould- he wants the bits of your relationship that he wants, like cuddles and sex, but none of the parts which require a bit more effort on his part, or any kind of sacrifice. What would your life be like if you had kids, or (God forbid) your illness were longer term? Does he bring anything by way of support, or is he a taker?

Despite you communicating with him, he evidently doesn't see this as a problem. I don't think it's a case that he's not invested; in my view he's just too comfortable and feels he can do his own thing and not worry. Your needs are obviously not flagging up as a concern. He needs a good talking to.

I agree he sounds a really selfish man.

It's one thing to maintain seperate social lives to some extent but his social life is obviously his priority and your wellbeing doesn't feature in his thoughts at all.

It doesn't sound like a relationship in the proper sense of the word . You are a convenience to enable his life style.

You would be better off without him OP.
I hope your health is improving. Your mental health and self esteem will certainly improve without this selfish man.

"He's a great man but...'

Starts every women before the list begins as to why, he is anything but.

Op, the second day of that month when you had to walk the dogs even though you were ill, should have been the day you ended that relationship. Instead of a second chance, you gave him 31. 31 days of chances to notice you. To care about you. To love you. And each of those days, he failed.

And that's not, I'd guess, the only chances you've given him.

Stop giving selfish people chances. Give yourself a chance to find someone who actually deserves you and will treat you with the love you deserve.

This man is selfish. That isn't a great man. It's not even a good one.