New boyfriend has bought a new aftershave… it is my ex husbands signature scent, should I tell him?

[Flipped34]

My new boyfriend who I care about so much has bought himself a new scent… it’s lovely and I’m sure very popular but it is the one mr ex husband wore forever. Every time I smell it I think of ex husband, and he is not someone I would even think of much and was pretty horrible to me. Should I mention it or maybe I will just get used to it?

Tell him it gives you a headache or irritates your throat, but all of his previous ones have been fine so perhaps he could try a different one.

Just tell yourself he isn't yourself he isn’t your ex and can wear whatever scent he likes just as you can.

True but genuinely that’s all it reminds me off

I think smell is very evocative so it's hard to just ignore the reminder. There are smells that bring my back to my childhood. If you do decide to not say anything then eventually you will associate the smell with him, but that could take quite a while.

I would just tell your bf you don't like that scent, doesn't suit him etc, and buy him something different that you do like.

Scent is evocative so understandable that you have associations with it. Be honest with your boyfriend about the association but don't expect him to give it up if he likes it - it's his choice to make.

I would be honest and tell him!

I truly get how important scent memory is; I smelt my Dad’s aftershave on a man in the supermarket a few weeks after he died and just burst into tears

I think I would have to tell him it’s giving you a headache/making you feel ill!

I don't know why you wouldn't just tell him.

Me too.
Scent hits a very primitive part of our brain, and is strongly associated with memory, so you can’t just ignore it. Just say it is a lovely scent but you have horrible memories associated with it, and buy him something else that smells great. It is a totally reasonable request.

I don't know about this one. Anecdotally:

I know a person who, after a break up of a significant relationship, went to all the spots where there were memories that now seemed sad, no-go places, because they were linked to memories of the ex. She went back to all those places and created new memories and worked on that and got those places back. I admire that.

For me, there are songs I simply can't listen to because they're so evocative and I've never bothered trying to make them mine again because there's so much music out there I can easily listen to something else.

My ex ended up with someone who wore the same perfume as me, and I thought at the time that he may have liked the familiarity, he went to someone who was very like me in a lot of ways.

There are a couple of things, "couple speak", that my lovely dream of a partner of nearly 20s years still says, even thought it originated in his previous relationship, and that's never bothered me. That was a good relationship, but incompatible goals, they're still friends, she's really great. I don't mind when he says them.

So, can you make new memories with this scent, or will it forever be linked to sad memories? If so then I guess you could say something, but of course it's his choice.

Just tell him, he’ll bin it immediately.

no need to mess around with claiming it gives you a headache or that it doesn’t suit him.

Yes! Of course. Kind of weird not to tell him.

This. I'd just be honest.