Wwyd about this friendship?

[Carnino]

I posted a while back that my best friend ended our friendship after I cancelled a weekend trip to visit her because my young son was sick.
i tried reaching out to her by text a few times with no response. About a month after the trip that didn’t happen she text me to say that she had got my messages and would reply to me in a few days time once she had her thoughts together. The text ended with “xx”. I ‘liked’ the message as a response. It’s been 4 more weeks and I still have no heard anything more? Would you reach out again?

Nope.

How has the friendship been before this? This might have been answered on the old thread so apologies. It just sounds like there is more to this from your friend's reaction. I wonder if there is something else going on in her life right now.

I would be tempted to reach out and just ask how they are doing as not heard anything. If I didn't hear back after that, I would be tempted to not contact and let them contact me.

In a word, no. She's had plenty of time to 'get her thoughts together' and is now messing you around. She knows you're desperate to heal the rift and is lording it over you.

This. Don’t bother. She’s not worth it. She’s playing mind games.

Best to leave it now. You've done your bit in trying to communicate. The ball is definitely in her court.

My previous post wasn't based on the fact she had already ended friendship. I have since re-read the post and the fact she ended the friendship says everything you need to know. Time to just leave this one behind I'm afraid. Hopefully you have other friends around you that are worth your time.

We’ve been very best friends since childhood. I have reached out a few times asking to talk and saying I would really like to fix this and I’ve apologised for cancelling trip. It was a genuine reason and I didn’t want to leave my young son with his grandparents (I’m a single mom) so I cancelled the day before. I see this friend a few times a year and we both tend to travel the 3 hour journey between where we both live. I was so happy to get her message and expected a message soon after and hoped we could make up but I also don’t want to seem desperate or that I’ve really done something wrong

well sorry I’m assuming she has ended the friendship. After I messaged to tell her I couldn’t make the trip u didn’t hear from her until the message a few weeks later, she ignored all my previous messages and then sent that one saying she would reply to me soon and now nothing

I wouldn’t bother. You haven’t done anything wrong here, you couldn’t help your child being poorly.
She’s being very unpleasant and doesn’t deserve any more of your time.

I would block her

Thanks for replying @Carnino I think a friend that cannot understand you cancelled because of an ill child is strange in my eyes. Seems pretty reasonable to cancel in these circumstances.

I do empathize with your situation. I have too been in similar situations and I spent so much energy wondering what I had done and why. In the end I had to just let it go and put my energies elsewhere. If the friend is not willing to communicate, there is nothing you can do.

If you think it will help get you some closure then drop a line and see what the reaction is. If there is no response, then that really tells you how she feels about your friendship.

Does she have kids? She should still be able to understand but more understandable if she’s never experienced a sick child that needs her.

Any problems in the friendship before this? I don’t think you’ve got much choice but to let the friendship go. She sounds unreasonable but it does depend on whether this is the first time you’ve cancelled or if it’s a pattern. I find repeated cancelling difficult to deal with even if the individual reasons are good ones.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Losing a deep friendship is an awful experience regardless of the reasons or whose choice it was. I hope you’ve got other friends to reach out to.

OP, it is obviously very painful, but she is not your friend.
You don't need to have children to understand this.
Gather your self respect and have no further contact.
I would think blocking in this instance a good move.

No because she has made it clear to you that she doesn't care.

You've contacted her several times and apologised. She said she would reply and she hasn't bothered.

Unless she has a good reason, I'd just let her go.

OP I remember your first post on this and I want to give you the opinion of someone child free, that has friends with young children. Your former friend is 🦇💩, anyone would understand that a parent, especially a single parent, would postpone the trip if a child was sick. In fact I would be grateful that you were thoughtful enough to cancel to prevent other people possibly catching a bug. I would be a bit disappointed maybe if we had planned things to do, but I would never cut anyone off for a change of plans due to illness. I wouldn't contact her again, and I would spend the time really reflecting on this friendship and if you are holding on due to the length of time you know each other, rather than the quality of the friendship.

Sorry I worded my post badly. Just to be clear I don’t think that if she doesn’t have kids then it’s reasonable behaviour, more that if she does it’s even more unreasonable because presumably she’s experienced this herself and knows it isn’t OPs fault.

Someone without kids (particularly if they didn’t have great experiences with own parents prioritising their needs) might take longer to get there. She still should though, and she definitely shouldn’t be ghosting OP over it.

I asked if she had kids partly because I wondered if this was the end point of her feeling like the relationship has drifted since the op had dc. Sometimes people without kids particularly if they’re younger resent it when their friends prioritise their child over the friendship and find it difficult to understand (again totally unreasonably). I wonder if that might be part of the picture. Not trying to justify it (or say that all childless friends feel that way) just trying to help the OP work out what might have caused the end of the friendship.

The only way OP is being unreasonable is if she’s repeatedly cancelled plans and she hasn’t said that’s the case.

Please help me navigate something new, am in my 50s and seeing someone I've known for a while, progressing from coffee to the point we are staying out somewhere together overnight.

My last relationship was a frustrating long distance codependent mess that was sexless. And six years long. I was queen muppet. I've taken flack on here when posting about that - rightly so!!

Ive come a long long way, determined to heal and understand my attachment issues, and have. But, my sexual loss of confidence is not healed, I am here now blessed with a huge attraction between a deeply sexual man I like and me.

And...then I bump down to earth. Getting out of my desire and in between the sheets is actually also terrifying.

How do I stay earthed out? Funny? Me? Chilled?

And be brave enough to get vulnerable and physical - it's not rejection or frustration that's triggered in me, it's shyness. It's inhibition. How do I get past it?

Hope this is make sense - thank you for any thoughts or single words of experience or support

Sorry think you’ve posted in wrong place

Thanks. No she doesn’t have kids and I don’t have a habit of cancelling at all. I was very disappointed to not go on the trip too and slightly worried to tell friend I couldn’t make it as I knew she wouldn’t be happy…

I remember your previous post too OP, and I think I posted on it to the effect that your 'friend' will realise what a massive twat she has been when she has children of her own. This whole 'I will reply to your repeated fulsome apologies when I am good and ready' malarkey, followed by 4 weeks of radio silence, suggests that she wants to milk this for all it's worth to make you feel as bad as possible. Is she the sort of person who usually looks for leverage in a situation?

Yes I suppose she can be a bit dramatic and self centred in a way. I was prepared to take whatever she wanted to say on the chin and hope we can resolve it but didn’t expect to not hear anything, what was the point in even reaching out?

Sounds like she’s always had difficult qualities you’ve overlooked?

She is behaving appallingly. She is expecting more grovelling and contact from you I suppose - don’t give her it. You did nothing wrong at all, she’s the one in the wrong for not being understanding and flexible. Don’t reply.

I would leave it and let her come to you. She's really told you that herself.

Sorry but fck her. She's messing you around massively with all this passive aggressive rubbish, not wanting to be friends, then thinking about it, then not replying.

What a load of nonsense. She's an adult- if she's upset about something then she needs to tell you. Not expect you to wait on tenterhooks until SHE deigns to decide if she'll grace you with a reply. This reeks of manipulation to me.

I'd take back control and assume the friendship is over. Make new friends and stop waiting around for her nonsense. Friendships really shouldn't be this difficult or stressful. You deserve better.