The rebound and pregnancy

[kisssfromarose]

hubby and I separated just about 2 years ago, we simply went through a rocky patch.
Instead of processing the break up he done the usual man thing and went and started sleeping with someone else.
We were trying to sort our relationship out when she announced she was pregnant.
It was simply a rebound thing but I couldn't go back after this, I know we could have salvaged things if it hadn't been for that. It broke me, it broke me that he got somebody else pregnant
Fast forward 12 months he's having another one.
What the actual fuck?
Number 1.. Are they both insane two kids under 2 and still a very early relationship. To me it's utter madness
Number 2.. how do I reprocess this again when I've just got past the previous hardness. I forgave the first time, I understand things like that can happen. But im mind blown that it's happening again already. We have 3 small children under the age of 10 from our 30 year relationship. I cant quite grasp what the hell is happening with someone I planned my whole life with to what this is now. It feels like 30 years of history has been shit all over as soon as he left. Am I crazy to feel like this since finding out today he's got her pregnant again... Is it normal that I'm finding that hard and also having a what the fcuk moment

Well are you in a relationship with him at the moment? If he's cheated then you have every right to be raging!
If he's in a relationship with this other woman though, it seems quite normal that they've had a second child?

Is he with you or this other mother of his children?

Sorry, what do you need to process and forgive him for if you're separated? Or did you get back together and he's cheated?

There isn’t really anything to forgive, it’s his life whether you agree or not.

ok so it is wrong for me to feel upset about it. Suppose it just makes me feel like I didnt mean very much or what we had that it can happen so very quickly.
Sorry I thought someone may have understood why I found it hard to hear that's all

Oh gosh, he’s really putting you through the wringer isn’t he? I am so sorry this is being dredged up again for you.

I could write reams about how many of us are going through this kind of betrayal at the moment. You are not alone & men continue to heap pain on women, in my experience, right into old age. Believe me, I know. Women are a pleasure resource to them. A commodity.

First if all go no contact except and unless it’s about childcare arrangements. Have a dedicated email address just for that. No texting or messaging. Instagram is full of strategies about how to start your healing process.

The only thing I can suggest is try to find a therapist. You might find some salve for your soul if you can find one who will help you cope with some CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy)

You can on keep on going. Focus on yourself and the children. Look for things to distract your thoughts. Be the best that you can be. Exercise, eat healthily, get enough sleep, stay hydrated and catch up with friends. Next year this time, it will all be over with. Keep your chin up,

No it's not wrong. You can't help how you feel. It's normal to feel sad, hurt etc. But you need to separate your natural feelings from any suggestion that you need to forgive him for it. You don't, because he hasn't actually wronged you (this time). Just feel sad, then move on and focus on your own life.

I think the first posters are lacking empathy and have hopefully not experienced anything like this. I can totally understand your upset. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hope you can rebuild your life better ❤️

I would be feeling the same OP 100%, Christ!! I’m so sorry, I really do feel for you. A huge mixture of emotions and feelings to process. I have this fear too. I’m mid divorce ATM due to his year long affair. We separated and he met someone else, 10 years his junior, and I have the fear this will be the next thing I’m faced with. Thoughts are with you, this is tough.

It's pretty common for men to jump straight into another relationship (even if there was never a OW leading up to the break-up). Yes, it's been 2 years and is still technically early days within his new relationship. Rather quick to have a pregnancy, let alone two. However, this situation is of his own making! He's chosen to jump into a new relationship and have two children with another woman. The rights and wrongs aren't your business. Your main concern is him being a good Dad to your children and paying his way with them. I think you have a right to feel sad and disappointed, after all you were together a long time. Don't dwell on the situation, you can't change it and it's wasted energy. Focus on your children, and moving forward with your life.

Are you divorced or is that still to do?

But if you are not together - he can do what he wants including having unprotected sex!

His child maintenance bill must be quite high!