I met my child’s dad when I was young, he told me him and his wife were finished. They also had a child. At the beginning I found texts on his phone suggesting otherwise, but me being young and naive I would hear what I wanted to hear. I know it is wrong and never in a million years would I go for someone like him in that situation now.
I knew he didn’t want to be with his wife, but I also understood it was hard because they had a child, at the time I wasn’t looking for anything that serious and it was if I was helping him through it. Sounds weird.
Anyways, after about a month she had a new partner too. Me and him got on really well, we had the same sense of humour and very similar in general. After 6 month, I ended up falling pregnant, which was a surprise I wasn’t prepared for. It sounds awful to say it as I couldn’t imagine my life without my child now, but I wasn’t going to go through with it. I took the test without him, and had already sort of made my mind up.
When I told him I was pregnant, he was really happy. So after a week of deciding I went through with it, which is still the best decision of my life.
However, after 6 months of being pregnant, he didn’t come home one night. There were also a few occasions before then he did this (disgusting I know I should have walked away the ). I had a feeling he was with his ex, so I drove to hers because I knew where she lived. Her light was on and downstairs window was open. So I called his phone to see if I could hear it, and I did.
I knocked on the door and asked if I could see him, she said he wasn’t there so I corrected her. I wasn’t annoyed at her, at the end of the day he was hers first and god knows how she felt at the beginning. I went upstairs and he had no clothes on in her bed in nearly an unconscious state he was that drunk. I didn’t say much as I was in shock and left.
The next day all I could think about was if she was with her boyfriend still so I passed her house and his car was outside. I knocked on the door and told him all about the night before. I don’t think he believed me and I think he thinks I’m crazy to this day as they are still together. I didn’t think it was fair for her to have a happy ending when she was then cheating on her boyfriend.
The next few weeks were really hard, although he was the one who made me feel so low, it was only him at the time that would make me feel better unfortunately. None of my friends had kids because I was only 20 at this stage. I felt so misunderstood and alone I ended up getting back with him.
We are now 6 years in, since then I helped him grow a very successful business, our child and his child get on really well, however he hasn’t came home on over 50 occasions since that happened when he drinks. He hasn’t done that in a while, but now I’m at a point where him just going out triggers me and I just don’t think the love is there anyways. He asked to marry me, I booked the wedding but then I cancelled it because of his disrespectful behaviour.
We currently aren’t sleeping in the same bed. Every time I finish it (which has been a lot) he promises me the world and because of our child we end up gravitating back towards eachother. He’s a brilliant dad 90% of the time, but I do think he priorities his ex’s needs to help with their life over our family. My child is picking up on how he spends more time running around after them even when it’s not in his time. As I pretty much do all the set things with our child. I know it’s being a good dad but it should be equal when she also gets child maintenance. Me and his ex get on fine now, but I can’t help but feel he doesn’t go above and beyond for our child like he does for theirs, it’s always like it’s a game and not about the child.
For example, for our child’s first Halloween he didn’t come and wanted to stay in the house, said he hates Halloween. Then the first year Halloween landed on the date with their child for us to all go as a 4, he was so happy because he got their child on Halloween. I did say to him you didn’t want to come last year when it was our child.
When I challenged him about his behaviour he will either ignore me for days until it’s easier to talk, turn it around on me. Or if I really stick to it he grovels and says loads of empty promises. No he doesn’t even bother because it’s actually uncomfortable to listen to. I don’t know if he believes his own lies.
He hasnt not come home in a while, I just think it’s a case of too much has happened, there no trust or spark anymore.
It’s such a toxic bond that I just need to get out of but it’s so hard when I look at my child. That seems so long but that is brief, it’s not even everything. My child is 5 so they will be at an age where it will affect her soon so I need to sort it out. Has anyone else been through a similar situation?