I want my husband to leave

[LittleMama22]

We’ve only been married a year, together for six and have two little ones under three.
Our relationship used to be great but I feel like having children with him has opened my eyes to the adult that he’s not.

I feel as though we’ve stepped back in time with his actions and beliefs. His responsibility is to go to work. I work too, in the same job, but I also take care of everything else. I cook, clean, organise childcare, book and pay for our holidays, set up children’s bank accounts, register them for schools, dentist doctors, you know, all the general life admin. He just comes home and goes to sleep.
He spends his weekends playing his sport and tells me that I’m lucky he’s not out drinking. He has built up CC debt 3 times in 4 years. I paid it off the first time, then his mum the second time, and last night, he asked for 2K from my savings to pay it off again. He said it’s also his savings (he does not pay into the account). He is unable to tell me what he has spent so much on, but he thinks it’s hobbies.
I just want him to leave me and my little two. But I’m worried that if he does, he will all of a sudden want to make an effort with them (at the moment he says that he does not enjoy time with them)
I don’t know what response this will get but I just feel stuck and scared of what the next step will be.

It sounds very like my ex, lovely until DS arrived and then seemed to regress to 1950, expect an unpaid housekeeper, nanny and cook, AND developed financial incompetence.

I left when DS was two. Took DS with me. Ex flew into a rage, swore I'd never cope on my own, that I'd have to come crawling back, that he wanted 50:50 etc.

I left DS with him for one weekend - Friday morning to Sunday evening. Ex discovered nappies, night waking, not being able to go to the pub or to play tennis. The constant demands and noise. The battles over clothes etc.😁

That was 14 years ago. After that weekend he didn't have DS overnight until DS was 5 - toilet trained and able to use a knife & fork - and now he does 6 hours a week and 20 nights a year.

If he doesn't enjoy time with them now, while you are there to help with the messy bits, I doubt very much he will suddenly turn into an involved dad. That might only happen when he gets a new woman, and wants to show off. It won't last long.

He is a millstone around your neck.

You're already single parenting.

Cut yourself free.

I think you should go with your gut and leave. It will be stepping into the unknown and hard initially but it sounds like you don’t have a good relationship and he isn’t a good dad so you wouldn’t be worse off, and probably better off, without him.

> I don’t know what response this will get

Yes you do, this is Mumsnet. Everybody will gleefully tell you to LTB.

'Yes you do, this is Mumsnet. Everybody will gleefully tell you to LTB.'

Quite right too. He sounds like an expensive millstone around your neck. Does he have any good points?

My useless ex wanted 50:50 and our DD was 7 so arguably way easier than a baby. I agreed and then he got a job so could only do 2 overnights per week, and EOW. Then he could only manage 1 overnight per week, then none, then the weekends got shorter. She barely sees him now (she’s 13). If you want to leave then go for it. He won’t really want 50:50 - particularly if you agree easily to it!!