Cheating partner - help

[Kay1242]

Please can I have some advice or words of wisdom to finally leave this man.

My partner of 4 years who has recreational problem with drink and drugs has been disloyal behind my back on many occasions. Messages to other women, messages to escorts constantly whilst under the influence of drink and drugs, begs for my forgiveness each time blaming the drugs for how he’s acting and tries to seek help for his addiction which I support and forgive him but he never ever does. It’s killing me, I am mentally drained and I’m that broken by it all I feel like I can’t even trust him to go to work without my now thinking he is up to something. He claims he loves me and doesn’t want anyone else but I feel like I am being a fool.

we are currently living together, however it is my house I ask him to leave which he doesn’t but he’s begs for me back and I fall for it every time. We argue every single day now and I am at all time low mentally, I cry every single day. I want to leave but my confidence has been crushed that much that I feel so worthless and that no one else would ever want me so I stick by him in the hope that he’s going to change

Read this

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Then contact women’s aid. They will help you make an exit plan. It’s great that the house is in your name. This means if you want him to leave, he legally has to. If he won’t leave, call the police and tell them that you want him out of your home and he won’t leave. Wait until he goes to work. Have the locks changed while he’s out. Out up a ring doorbell or similar. Pack up his stuff and text him to say that you want him out and the relationship is over. You never want to see him again. Tell him his stuff has been packed up and will be on the doorstep when he finishes work. Keep the door locked. If he knocks, don’t answer. If he won’t leave call the police and have them remove him. Block him everywhere. Phone, social media, email. If he contacts you, call the police every time. You can do this! You deserve better.

You have just told me what I already know is right deep down. Thank you so much I’m really at rock bottom and needed to hear this, my confidence and self esteem is none existent and I think that is why I’m turning a blind eye

Please just do exactly as the above poster says. There is nothing to add, just follow her instruction. You don't need this and you don't need to worry about getting another man. Being single for life is better than this. Anything is better than this!

one day you will leave him. that is inevitable. how much more time do you want to waste? months turn into years so quickly. i wasted years of my life - i look back and feel sick at how much time, money and energy i lost. one day i woke up, stopped all contact without ANY explanation (because i didnt need to explain anything) and felt alive again. take control and think of your future. goodluck.

Take these steps first. It will be scary but you’ll be so glad you did it. Once you’re free, you can do the freedom programme. It will help you to move forward.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Also, read this book once he’s gone. It will be a good starting point to building your self esteem back up.

archive.org/details/TheSixPillarsOfSelfEsteem_201811

Someone who has an addiction to drugs and alcohol, have to accept they need help and they have a problem. Your partner clearly knows he has an issue but hasn't reached rock bottom. He doesn't actually want to seek help, probably because he hasn't hit that point yet. You keep giving in to him, hoping he'll change and therefore he has zero incentive to change. The first response to your post was spot on. You are not responsible for him or his addictions, he is. You can't make him seek help, you can't succeed in beating his addictions for him. For your own sanity, you need to end the relationship, no matter how much he begs etc. Unfortunately, sometimes the only thing we can do is walk away. Addicts become selfish, with no thought process to how much their behaviour effects those around them.

He does know he has a problem, after every “binge” it’s always the same feeling sorry for himself and asking me to help him change but the weekend comes around and it’s exactly the same. Your right he doesn’t want to help himself, or due to be forgiving him every time likely things I will never leave - thank you your post has really helped 💕

Thank you I feel stronger even by just reading this, I feel like I have wasted so much time being unhappy already also

Thank you xx