Relationships later in life... what are/ were your ' why's?'

[katoeslate]

Hello.

Can I ask if you are a lady in her late forties/ early fifties who has embarked on a new / second long term partnership / marriage / relationship... what were your ' whys?'
Why did you decide to get into a serious relationship at that stage ?
I ask as I would like a relationship with a partner who I would spend the rest of my life with( live together after a number of years perhaps) , but my children are 15, 17 and an adult.
I love my home, the peace, harmony, tidyness and have become comfortable with myself on my own although at times , I absolutely crave the companionship, love, affection and intimacy with an equal partner.

Sometimes I am lonely. At other times I just feel alone and do not want to disturb family friends and their families at weekends and on holidays.
At other times, I adore the solitude.

I've done a tonne of work on myself and feel my heart is open to this but often wonder if it's feasible.... I don't want to live together at least for five years, I like my independence too .

Can I ask why you wanted another serious long term commitment possibly after grief, heartbreak, trauma???

• 'Whys?'

I wanted somebody to do stuff with at weekends when friends were busy with their families. We live separately so we get the bonus of being very in love but I also get the alone time I'm used to. It's great.

I wanted a snog and then fell in love!

Not helpful, I realise. I suppose my point is it wasn’t intentional and it’s been a long, iterative process with him to get to the point that we want to live together etc. and it will be a compromise on both sides when we do next year, but we see the gains as bigger. I have found it far easier being with someone who isn’t the father of my children as he really leaves the parenting to me and leans in when needed / asked. Ditto with his kids

mid 40s here, but I felt too young to give up on the second chance of a good marriage. I’d done a lot of counselling, so my boundaries were set and when I did meet my now second husband, I had a Clare’s law done on him as it got serious and told him as wanted to see his reaction. Feel like I did all I could to make sure he was a decent person and I was ready. We are happy and having a great life and I’m glad I gave it a chance.

Because I wanted someone to go on holiday with, theatre trips, sex. Really wanted a FWB, but we fell in love so there we are. I found that falling in love is exactly the same at fifty as twenty. It was intoxicating and I’m so glad it happened.

I didn't want it, I was content and happy on my own, then a Saturday night in my local pub (that almost got cancelled) is where I met him,

We got married four weeks ago, been together just over three years now. Couldn't imagine life without him,

It's not a conventional relationship though, he works away 2 months at a time then home for 2 months. It works perfectly, I am the kind of person who likes my own company and space so I still get that! I do miss him though!

Such wonderful
And hopeful stories ! Wishing you all continued happiness x

I enjoyed sharing my life with someone, and felt that I didn't want a failed relationship to be my last experience of being part of a couple.

I met my partner 8 years ago, my children were late teens. I only saw my partner every other weekend when the children were with their Dad. They knew of his existence but they didn't meet him until year 3 😁

I have only moved in with him last year.

I recommend taking things slow.

To be honest I wasn’t seeking anything as I was quite content by myself but he pursued me. He makes me laugh, makes me think, makes me feel valued and appreciated and the sex is fantastic. We are both independently financially secure but eventually joining forces will give us greater options. We share values and that’s what’s most important to me.

I like sex and having someone to go places with.

I'm not interested in living together and putting my hard-won stability at risk.

So a LAT suits me.

Why - because I like being in a settled long term relationship.

This all sounds amazing and very positive. So pleased for you all.

Early days for me, but similar reasons to you, OP.

I don't want you to see my days out alone. I want someone to retire with, to share the good & bad times with.

I like sex and would be devastated if my sex life was over in my 50's & I never had sex again.

But I don't see myself living with someone again, at least until my DC have left home - so could be another 7-8 years.

But I am picky about who I date - better to be alone than badly accompanied.

Met my dp on OLD. I was looking for non committed dating and he was looking for marriage! We did hit it off, fell in love and though we don’t live together spend 50% of my week either at his place or mine. Like others have said, it’s so lovely to have that special person just for you. We go on holidays together alone or with dc, mini breaks, theatre or just chill at home together. Also I was 42 when I met my younger dp and I was delighted to reignite my sex life and in this respect it’s still like the honey moon period if not more intense now.