Depends on your standards and expectations, and what the definition of love is to you. Personally, I would feel physically repulsed by the idea of being with anyone else, even flirting with anyone else. How do you feel, could you still be “in love” but be intimate like that with someone else? Can you separate love and sex that way?
A lot of women can’t, hence these cheating men rarely find a woman who says he’s deeply in love with his wife and is just using them for fucks, and the woman then goes for it. Ordinarily a narrative is spun about the primary relationship, with love and emotional closeness thrown around in the affair, to make that woman want to shag him to begin with.
So you have to ask yourself some questions. I’ll write the questions and answer them from my own perspective. Your answers might be different, then you can judge if it’s salvageable.
Would you be repulsed by the idea of shagging someone other than your partner?
I would be repulsed, If I love someone I just want them (this isn’t the same for everyone, but they have a different definition of love) is that definition of love ok with you?
How would you feel building a future with a man that romantically “loves” you, but has a roving eye and strongly desires to sleep with other women? (even if he doesn’t do it)
I’d consider a man like that to not love me with the greatest degree of love, to not see sex as a part of love, and I don’t think I could commit to that kind of man, I’d know there was someone better out there for me that saw me as everything to him. Note that finding people to be attractive is not the same as struggling not the bed them.
How do you feel about a man that DOES do it but only for the sex, with no romantic feelings for the affair partner, and he’s upfront with the affair partner that it’s just sex?
For me, I would see him as seedy, superficial, and a bad bet as a partner, as he will always be on the look out for those kinds of woman, because he enjoys the thrill of superficial sex with new bodies. To him sex isn’t love, it would be a no from me.
How do you feel about a man that isn’t in love with his affair partner(s) but tells them what they want to hear to get some sex?
He couldn’t be trusted to be authentic with me either. He is someone that says what a woman wants to hear to get what he wants. He is a liar and a deceiver of the lowest kind, and has lured some woman in to give him sexual favours under false pretext, just no- yuck.
How do you feel about a man that developed such strong feelings for another woman that he just had to have her, and didn’t think about it coming out, or destroying what you share
Well, he made his choice, what we share clearly isn’t that special, why is he still on my case? could it be he doesn’t want to lose his family and stability, finances, cook, cleaner, childcare and retirement plans?
How do you feel about a man that when he’s making excuses for his actions projects it back into you, some deficiency in you or your relationship that made him cheat?
weak. A very weak man who decided someone else’s naked body and emotional attention was the answer to his marital problems, why didn’t he suggest counselling, or leave before pursuing someone else?
How do you feel about a man who can sneak around that way, and then come home for dinner like he wasn’t just shagging another woman
Disgusting, no conscience, ability to deceive on a high level, treated me like a mug with zero respect.
How would you feel knowing he has probably painted a very different narrative to her about your relationship/ you/ your mental health/ your sex life etc
Ability to lie and deceive to the max, to disrespect me and all we’ve shared to another woman, not interested. Gross
How do you feel about him telling another woman he loves and desires her, with all the messages and in jokes and date planning etc
He’s lived a double life- ultimate deceiver. I was at home waiting for him and loving him, clearly it wasn’t enough and never would be.
How do you feel about a man that has managed to have sex with you and her simultaneously over the period of the affair
No better than a rapist, happy to take away my consent to sex, which I wouldn’t give to a lying cheat who has also put my sexual health at risk. Zero conscience, able to spin lies to her about the state of our relationship, while fresh out of my bed.
That should cover most of the excuses that he gives, the excuses cheats give are laughable, and don’t paint them in anything but a bad light. But it’s up to you if you are deceived by his script and think your relationship is worth salvaging.