My partner has started counselling, not for himself for me

[Sherp]

I was wondering if anyone could help me. I'm in a situation where my relationship is breaking down. There have been a few issues where my partner has reacted very poorly to situations. He has decided off his own back to start counselling but when I asked him why he said 'I'm doing it for us and you'
I've always been taught that If you're going to anything like that it should always be for yourself first otherwise it won't work properly? Am I wrong?
Any advice would be massively appreciated. Thank you x

I suppose it depends on what the issues are. If the issue is poor communication or anger management for example then counselling is really to help your relationship and I can see where I’d describe that as doing it for my partner/for my relationship as in I want to change for them/us.

Doesn't really sound like a problem to me. He's starting counselling for the relationship's sake presumably

He basically has very bad insecurities which causes some issues as sometimes reassurance isn't enough. His reactions could mean hurting him self such as headbutting things. I said that he needs to do it for himself too so he can better his reactions so he doesn't hurt himself to which he responded with 'if I wasn't with you I wouldn't care'

I don't think it's a problem but it depends on his tone of voice when saying it.

Sorry my answer was typed before yours Sherp.

It does sound like some counselling would be helpful for himself.

Thank you

If telling himself it's for your sake is what gets him into counselling, that's ok. The counsellor will work through that in due course. Probably reflects his own low self esteem.
With addiction issues it doesn't work to give up for someone else, but seeking help for emotional issues isn't the same.

Thank you so much, that makes sense. As he's not giving anything up as such by going counselling.

Even if he starts out going to counselling for you, it could be that he sticks at it for himself as his self-esteem begins to improve.

I don’t think it specifically matters whether he wants to change for him or for you. What matters is that he recognises there’s a problem and he wants to change. What wouldn’t work is if he was only going because you were pushing him to.

Run away - you shouldn't need to reassure him about his insecurities. Head butting things is not normal and must be frightening for you. Saying he wouldn't care if you weren't there is manipulative.

One of my close friends said it could be manipulative behaviour but I was sort of hoping that she might of been too harsh. I'm am worried slightly.

I think perhaps you're overthinking this a bit. He's having counselling. It will either help him or it won't. He's made the decision to go and it doesn't really matter what he claims the reason is - the decision is still ultimately his.

Your friend is smart.

Of course his behaviour is manipulating as is his "lm doing it for you "

Headbutting things isn't normal adult behaviour.
Listen to your friend.

Oh, and "your love " won't cure him either, so don't full in to that type of thinking.

Well you might have been the impetus, the work he’ll do will be for him and any future relationships he goes on to have.

Realistically, who fucking cares why he’s gone, the fact that a man has gone to therapy voluntarily is surely worthy of a brownie point, the bar is low.