Husband asked for a divorce

[breadmaker20]

Sunday my husband left our home and said he wants a divorce. I am devastated. We'd been married 4 years and have a 19 month old together. I don't see a way out of this pit of heartache and devastation. He said he wasn't happy, we argued too much and we drifted too far apart. I understand some of the points, we've gone through a lot of changes in the last few months that have had an impact on us making time for us but it seems he's not even willing to accept this and work on it.

In a single day I lost my home, my husband, my puppy who I've had to rehome as I couldn't look after him and a baby, and just about everything I thought I knew about my future.

Everyone is telling me to speak to my friends and family and just take it one day at the time but I just wanna scream "go away" to everyone and just want my husband back.

I need some community, someone who has gone through this and understands, I need someone who will tell me from experience that this will pass.

Sending hugs :(

It WILL pass, but it will take time. Take care of yourself, make sure you are sleeping and eating so you can look after your baby, but get all the help and support you can in real life from family and friends.

My XH left me catastrophically one day (we were away for a long weekend and he just said one night in the hotel room 'when we get back I will be leaving'.) It took me a very very long time to get over it all. But I did and am now single and very very happy - there is a good life for you at the end of it all.

It will pass and you will come out of it stronger. Is he still staying at the house?
Sometimes men have these funny turns where they think the grass is greener but of course it isn't. Don't wallow in what you have or haven't done just do things in your day to day to keep you sain and happy!

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry you are going through a tough time.

You will have lots of questions, the IFs and BUTs.

Take charge and be in control. Allow yourself to be sad. Allow yourself to heal.

Do things for yourself that will bring joy... walks, get your haircut anything....
Can you visit the puppy, take offer to take them for walks?

Share the child care**

You are in shock, once more decisions are made and when you get to make them. You will be a bit better each time.

Sending best wishes

So sorry OP, that must have been a horrible shock for you. Sad to say that when this happens so dramatically there is usually another woman in the background.
Have there been any signs that might be the case, also where is your husband living at present?
Please do as your friends have suggested, lean on them and your family, it will help even though you don't feel like it will at the moment.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. He went to stay at a hotel for 2 days. After he left I came to stay with my parents. They live in London and we live in Reading so I've left the family home for support and help with the baby. He returned to our flat after 2 days in the hotel and is staying there now. I'm dreading going back but will have to as I need to take my LO to nursery and can't do that from my parents. It's a horrible situation. I've reached the bargaining stage of my grief where I'm desperately trying to give him options to work through it but I'm finding this humiliating. Yet I can't stop myself and I want to know that I've done everything in my power to make it work. I don't think someone else is involved. we both work from home and are together constantly so I don't see how he would've been able to sustain an affair.

He told me he's unhappy, that we've been arguing a lot and he's reached a stage where he doesn't think things will ever get better. He's pretty done but said he still loved me but that it was a "necessary evil". I can copy and paste his text if anyone wants to read a novel.

I know I can do it on my own. I have the financial means to support myself and LO. We can sell the flat and I'll still be able to get a mortgage on my own albeit on something smaller. The problem is I don't want to do it on my own. It's painful as I feel like the decision was made for me.

It's crap. Been there. I like this paragraph that I took from somewhere. It might have been a post here or elsewhere.
You will be fine eventually, and very much stronger.

Oh sorry OP this is awful for you, Is he willing to try marriage counselling? Also Why would you be doing raising your child alone - has he also said he doesn't want to see his child (would he have the child 50% of the time) ?

This is just rubbish op. I'm so sorry for you. Be kind to yourself , this has only just happened and the whole the grief will be over whelming at times I promise you it will ease a little week by week

What are these arguments about? I'm just wondering if there's something to salvage there.

Are they situational like money, kids, family? Frustrations like lack of sex, tidiness? Jealousy?

I'm just saying that some people are super emotional and if by chance these arguments originate from you, maybe suggest therapy as a sign you're willing to change?

Either remove the cause of the argument, or the argument itself. Can these things be resolved?

Divorce is so much better than being married to someone who no longer wants to be married to you. Even if you succeed in begging him to come back the power balance and trust has already been ruined.

There's nothing to save. We're both in therapy. He doesn't think marriage counselling will work so doesn't want to go there. I guess if he really wanted to fix it he'd try anything. I just need to accept it's over. Yes we will be sharing the childcare but she's 19 months and attached to me like Velcro. It hurts like a motherfucker. But I know I'll live. The kindness of people in the last 4 days, especially strangers, has had me floored.

Ok, this is going to be hard to carry out, but trust me - it's the very best way.

You need to listen to him and fully accept how he feels and tell him so. If he feels it's over, then you need to make peace with that (fake it till you feel it if you have to) and tell him that you respect his decision and that you'll return to the house and just live together as friends for a few days until he's sorted his things and you've chatted through practicalities.
Then let him go.

You'll feel so much better if you do this than if you cry and wail and cling on to his ankles as he's walking out of the door. Trust me.

It may even turn the whole situation around down the line. He felt the need to leave, he left, it wasn't that great, then you may be able to talk further down the line. If not - at least you kept your self respect/ self esteem/dignity etc.

It's hard, I know too well. You'll feel better before you know it though.

He's a weak and immature man if he doesn't want to even try and sort out any problems. Marriage vows are meant to take onboard the good and the bad.

Unfortunately it makes me believe that rather than him simply being dissatisfied with the relationship and you, he has had his head turned by someone else.

I hope you find your strength and self respect to accept his decision to part and get it over and done with asap so that you can do parent your child amicably.