Can we get the spark back?

[UniqueSeal]

DP and I have been together for 6 years, I’m 29, he’s 28. Our relationship for the last 6 years has been pretty much plain sailing. We love each other, we get on so well, he’s kind, thoughtful and I want to marry him.

Since we moved in together nearly 2 years ago our sex life has decreased. We used to have sex about 2/3 times a week, this has gradually decreased to maybe once every 2 weeks. We have a lot of loving touching, we always kiss and cuddle, say I love you to each other.

We have tried scheduling sex but DP feels pressure to be in the moment and spontaneous when we do this and this came to a head last night and we had a very tearful conversation about our future where DP said he isn’t feeling our sexual connection any more and worries we no longer have that spark. I was very upset by this, and we were on the verge of breaking up, I felt so rejected and hurt and like he doesn’t fancy me.

This morning he said to me he doesn’t want to break up and let’s try and push through as he loves me and wants us to be together. I worry if he decides he actually doesn’t want to be with me in 6 months, a years time I’m another 6 months closer to 30 and I will find it really hard to meet someone else.

Please give me your advice, how can we regain our spark?

Make proper time for each other.
Have date nights - Even if you cook and eat together at home at the weekend when any kids are in bed
Shower together
Be spontaneous

Sorry but it sounds like he's soft launching a break up, he's no longer feeling it. I'd hate to spend the next few months trying to win him back, I'd leave

Does a watch a lot of porn?

No he doesn’t watch porn regularly

So he doesn’t feel a sexual connection or spark, basically saying he no longer fancies you, but he wants to “push through” regardless?! Fuck that! Seriously OP, he can bugger off immediately. You are worth so much more than a man “pushing through” the sexual doldrums.

To me it doesn’t matter why he’s not “feeling it” - be it familiarity, boredom, porn, having his head turned by someone else - cut your losses and don’t fall for the sunk costs fallacy.

You’re completely right about the possibility of flogging your guts out trying to get the ‘spark’ back for however long and then it ends anyway. I wouldn’t waste another 6 weeks on him, let alone another 6 months. It won’t be good for your self esteem. It sounds like he’s checked out and a previous poster might be right re: him soft launching a break up.

You are young and should be having fun with a man who adores you - not one who makes you feel less than or diminished. I was married to one like that and it didn’t end well, but now have a long term partner who is just the opposite and I’m pushing 50!

Don’t waste your precious time flogging a dead horse. The relationship was right for a time and enjoyable in the most parr, it may have just run its natural course. It’s sad but it happens and remember that all endings are also a new beginning. Onward and upward.

Are you sure because m seeing more and more men who are forgoing sex with their wives and partners due to porn. They can’t get it up or keep it up unless it’s to porn. And it’s nothing to do with the women. It’s their heads that’s are messed up. Check and see if he’s been watching loads of it that you’re unaware of. Either way, I’d be ending the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.