Gay dating dilemma

[Tom8493]

Hey
I've met a lovely guy and we've been dating for a few months.
We get on really well (I guess we're still very much in the honeymoon phase) and both of us eventually want a life long relationship and to live together.

He has often mentioned how he ultimately wants to find a guy to marry. Many of his friends and relatives have married and no doubt he has been inspired.

Personally I cannot see myself getting married. Though I'm gay, the thought of two men marrying just isn't for me. I just feel that marriage is for a man and a woman. I may be labelled a bigot but I cannot help my conscience.

I've told him that I do not wish to marry but he says "maybe you will in time."

How should I approach the matter. Carry on dating or end it? I love him but I don't want us to waste each other's time. I'd be heartbroken but willing to let him go in pursuit of his own perfect husband. Someone who can give him what he deserves.

Thank you

I think you're right and should set him free to find a husband.

Would you consider a civil partnership instead, if marriage doesn’t “feel” right to describe things in the longer term?

If not then yes, I think it’s time to have that discussion about your long term goals not being compatible and wish each other well for the future.

So you see a future with each other, it's just the bit of paper that's worrying you in effect?

I'm going to say the opposite to PPs and say go for it. In time, one of you may change your mind, or you might find a compromise (civil partnership?)

But it sounds that you're open to most of the things a marriage involves without....getting married 🤷‍♀️

I guess it depends why you don’t want to get married

He might not be a long term person in your life. I would personally enjoy what you have. You may change your mind but so might he. I would be honest with him and go from there.

Thanks. Growing up in a Catholic family and being in the Catholic education system gay marriage just doesn't feel right to me. It took a while to come out and I'm just getting used to that.

Also, I have a gay friend who recently divorced and it caused a lot of stress and money.

I do love him but I will be honest and give us both the chance to move on.

I wouldn't want him resenting me years down the line or having regrets when ideally he wants a husband.

I think a civil partnership is an option but I feel he wants an actual marriage with lots of people at a posh venue.

Thanks for your advice.

I don’t agree. You are going to give him a chance to move on. Have you thought yes he might want to get married but might want to be with you more? My son’s partner really wants to get married, my son not so much, they have been together 13 years, it is not a massive deal they are busy living their best lives, if you both want to be together long term surely that is the main thing I think you’re making it more than it is he won’t find a perfect husband anymore than you will find a perfect partner. Long term relationships take work and compromise. Give it a chance you both sound good together.

Aww thanks. I'll just be honest when/if tbe topic is mentioned again.
I do love him and he has already said that going too fast scares him.
We can go slow and steady and see what happens.
It's taken a long time to meet someone I truly connect with. I'll enjoy each moment

I think you need to deal with your internalised homophobia

Yes, I'm getting there step by step.
Friends are a great help