Hi. I've been dating my girlfriend for 10 months, we had some hiccups in that period some a bit bigger some smaller but we were generally really really happy, we enjoy our time and we enjoy spending our time together, we are in long distance relationship. So let me first start like this, when I was teenager at age of 18, I downloaded tiktok with my brother and we started just scrolling, there were some "spicy" videos how people would say, where girlss are just shaking their butts around showing their breasts, thighs and stuff like that, and we mostly would just save those videos and from time to time just comment It and that was our fun (my brother is 7 years older than me). Before everything also I want to say that I was raised in really lovely family where we based our relationship in family in truth and love, we don't have any vices, we don't drink alcohol, don't smoke, don't even go to clubs etc and we never liked girls who are dressing provocative and we would never date girls like that even tho I had opportunities. But It was fun just commenting those girls sometimes just gossiping and stuff like that.
So when I started dating my girlfriend she saw couple of times those videos and pictures and she said she is okay with It and teased me sometimes, but I also remember that one time she told me that she finds that weird, liking those kind of videos/pics in tiktok/instagram. To me those pictures and videos never meant to me a single thing, I never was even thinking about cheating on my girlfriend or doing something sketchy behind her back and she knows that cause she always have permission to my messages on facebook/instagram/whatsapp wherever she wants, I really don't have anything to hide from her, because the only thing I've always wanted is having a happy family with my wife and my kids and I would never, absolutely ever destroy that no matter what model comes in front of me. I was still keeping liking It even and didn't even realize, I am not watching It and jerking off on that or anything at all, I just kept It in my habit, and when she saw It she felt hurt, she told me that those girls are not like her at all but I am liking them and that It feels like I find them more attractive and that started to be worried if I would cheat on her if girl like that comes to me. Till that point I didn't even realize that and I didn't even think about that, cause I know myself I know that I would never cheat and I didn't see It as a problem, but I was wrong, I feel really bad right now cause she told me that I acted like her ex and her ex was really bad man, and that really hurt me I feel that I am terrible boyfriend and I feel really sorry. I deleted tiktok and instagram permanently so I can show to her that, those videos doesn't mean anything to me, but she still feels that way, and I don't know how to fix that, I am crying all day, I couldn't even go to work today I took my day off because I was having mental breakdown in the middle of the night. I love her so much, she is one of the most important persons in my life along with my family and I don't want to lose her, I would do anything for her to make her happy. I told her that I didn't think about that and that I am terribly sorry, I apologized multiple times deleted both apps and told her that I'm never going to do that again or even something similar to that cause I don't want to make her worry and sad. She told me she is traumatized from that and when she told me that I really felt ashamed and pathetic, I never wanted that I never wanted her to feel that way. I love her so much and I hope everything is going to be okay, I'm trying to explain to her that, that she can even talk to my brother, my mom anyone who I know, so she can feel safer, because I really I swear I never cheated on her I never did any sketchy moves and I was never planning to do It, if she wants I can give her all my passwords and anything she wants, I am really not hiding anything.
I don't know what to do, please help, and tell me what did I do wrong and how can I fix this, I feel so sorry and I want to fix mistake I've made.