Hi all! Im just looking for some advice on the matter. I’ve been through this forum multiple times and always appreciate the support and advice given here so thought I’d share my own thoughts and what I’m going through.
I’d also like to add that I am looking into starting therapy in January. After the Christmas madness! But for right now, I just need some advice or guidance.
I moved to Belgium in September of last year with my partner. After a few years of long distance, we decided to take the big step to move in together!
The issue started only around 3 months ago, as before this, (even when long distance) nothing had changed, we were very happy together and I wouldn’t have thought anything was happening with him.
Anyway, long story short, I found out that he had been visiting a site that is for adults only and the conversations are entirely like what you can imagine. Very sexual and anything involving it. (Although I have never seen the messages he had been involved in).
I was obviously extremely shocked and hurt. We are usually very open with each other. I can admit that around this time we hadn’t exactly been as ‘adventurous’ in the bedroom but I didn’t see any issues and he hadn’t raised any issues with me. Everything seemed ok.
Of course I confronted him, he told me that he’s always been interested in these things and that he just ‘has a need’ to go on these sites sometimes. We have had the conversation before of ‘what is cheating’ and while not physical, I fully considered visiting these sites as cheating because the conversations are with real people and ‘emotional cheating’ is a thing.
He is now going to therapy to sort through his issues as within the confrontation he admitted that he knows he has an addictive personality and after seeing me in the state I was in, he kind of ‘woke up’ and saw how bad he had messed up.
We are now 2 months into the aftermath. We’ve spoken about it once or twice but, for him now therapy is where he confronts these things and he hasn’t really spoken to me much about it. I can understand with how he may be feeling he won’t want to bring it up much, if at all and for now I’m just supporting him however I can.
I also applaud him greatly for going to therapy of his own accord and facing his demons because it’s an extremely hard thing to do.
For me now though, I just feel so lost. I can’t even really make sense of how I feel. For him I try to be smiley and happy and it’s never really ingenuous. I love him dearly and we always have fun together. But some days it hits me like a train and I spend almost the
whole day thinking about everything. About how he went somewhere else for that kind of affection, from random women online. More than likely fantasied about other women and what they’d get up to. How he could look at me with no guilt while visiting these sites and talking to other women. It makes me feel sick honestly.
I don’t want to leave him, I believe he wants to be better and put this behind us. But has anyone else dealt with anything similar? I just can’t shake this thing, it’s like it’s always over my shoulder.
thank you.