Thoughts on past mistake

[Onetruth]

So my partner of 18 years, husband for 9, has recently shared that he cheated (kissed) another woman whilst on his best friend's stag do.
The catch is, this was 8 years ago... And he's just come out with it after all this time. He swears there is nothing else to tell and nothing since.
At the time of this stag do, we had just married recently and I was pregnant with our first child.
I just feel that I should have been told this way sooner and that the image I had of our 18 year relationship has been tainted.
Am I supposed to just let this go?

Sorry you're going through this 😟 May I ask what made him confess? You must feel so hurt and blindsided by his admission.

Why is he bringing this up now? TBH that makes me suspicious that there is something more to it, or that something else has happened. What’s the rationale for telling you now?

Very odd that he's chosen to reveal this now. Were you talking about anything related to or was it just out of the blue? My spidey senses would be on the alert!

Oh the senses are certainly up now (sadly, as I've always lived by the 'trust until there's a reason not to' and always trusted him.
A song came on the radio that was about being unfaithful and I made a quip comment about it, saying that I'm glad I don't have that kind of relationship... Then came the reveal.

Did you he tell you anything more about the circumstances? Was this a random person on the dancefloor of a club, brief and while drunk? Or a proper snog in private with someone he might see again? Generally cheaters will admit only to what they think they they get away with, so if it's the latter situation I'd be very suspicious even though he admitted it up front. What do you want to do about it?

What an upsetting thing to come out of nowhere!
I think that I would want to know 2 things in your position: How did that come about? and Why are you telling me this now but not 8 years ago?
From there, a clearer understanding of the circumstances and the reasoning can be made and decisions regarding your future relationship agreed upon.
All the best.🌸

I'm so sorry, but I'd put money on there being more to it. This is a very odd circumstance to confess.

If he had told you when it happened, what would you have done?

You'd been married for a year when he cheated on you, that means something.

Honestly I'd be concerned that was the beginning of a drip feed.

It seems odd he's kept that secret for 8 years and suddenly confessed after you made a comment due to a song - you can't tell me in the last 8 years you've never made a quip comment about anything like that?

For me, I'd be done. I know it's so easy to say from the outside, but if my husband did that when we'd been together that long and I was pregnant, then kept it secret for 8 years and lied to me, I don't think I'd be able to trust him again. However it's much easier to say that when it's not my life!

I just feel... Sad.
We now have two children together and it would crush their world in two. We have genuinely been a happy family for the whole of their lives, but I didn't know this. He knows I would have called time on it back then... But there's so much at stake now.
I guess I just wanted some justification from here that my disappointment and upset is justified - I know some people wouldn't consider a kiss (I believe a drunken night club kiss) cheating - but I feel it is.
Part of me questions 'was it a mistake as it all felt serious being married and expecting a child but the kiss made him realise he wanted this (he swears it was a wake up call that he regretted instantly)... Or am I making excuses for him.

Well it should be an easy ‘mistake’ not to make. So no not a mistake - cheating.

I’d certainly make him leave for a while.

And yes I cannot imagine that something hasn’t prompted this confession. Why the hell would he tell you now?!

I guess I just wanted some justification from here that my disappointment and upset is justified

yes it is justified. He cheated on you. Then lied about it for 8 years. Waited until you had more to tie you together then sprung it on you. Cheating isn’t a mistake, it’s a choice. And don’t downplay it. It IS cheating. If you did this with another man I’m sure he’d be apoplectic.

Swears a random night club situation.

Thank you for your honesty.
Sadly, I too would be saying the same to anyone else before this... But it's real for me now and I have two children who I would give the world for, and that makes it more complex for sure.