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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Torn About Telling

3 replies

TheBrightPlumTurtle · 21/10/2024 15:18

Hello all! I've been a long time reader, and I love the advice on these threads so much. I'm in a bit of a pickle. I'm 24, and I got into a relationship just about a year ago with a wonderful, kind man. We've taken it slow, and after a series of super rough and toxic relationships, I finally felt like I've found the one for me. It's taken a lot for me to accept the easy and sweet love, and in the early stages, I felt like I was trying self sabotage in many moments (immature, I know).

Over the summer in early August, I returned to my hometown where I had an absolutely over-the-top night. I went out with old friends who didn't really love the new, calm me and I overcompensated by drinking way too much. We drank until 7am in the morning! At the bar, the only thing I really remember was a man kissing me (a man I would NEVER go for sober), me pulling away and running over to my friends in tears. We left the bar as they calmed me down, only to go to an after party, where the sun was coming up and a guy friend started kissing me outside! What I assume to have happened was drunk me essentially assumed my relationship was all over and done with after the first snog that I continued to tornado my night.

I was and still am so unbelievably embarrassed and ashamed. Right after 7am, I called my boyfriend. I was not in my right head and told him about the first kiss. The second kiss was such a blur that I don't even think I remembered it in that moment telling him. The following days were super rocky, but ultimately he forgave me and we've been fine working through it ever since. The problem is - the guilt about the second kiss is EATING me up inside. I've heard such mixed opinions from my friends on telling him or not, and I do know it would be to just alleviate my guilt. At this point, I'm at a loss of what to do. That part of the night is such a blur that it makes me question my own sanity. We're long distance, and we've been on such a high in recent months. I do not want to hurt him. Do I tell him? How do I move past this without hurting him?

OP posts:
Sailonsilverrgirl · 21/10/2024 15:37

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Seaoftroubles · 21/10/2024 16:14

No need to mention it, you were drunk and can barely remember what happened. Telling your boyfriend would only assuage your own guilt but it might well be a step to far for him. Use it as a reminder that you act irresponsibly when you drink too much so make sure in future you abstain or stick to one!

Opentooffers · 21/10/2024 16:42

No need to have mentioned either kiss tbf. But too late on the first, no point in compounding the unnecessary mess. However, if you find it happening again, then you need to be out of relationships until you've grown up enough to stop blaming peer pressure.

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