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Relationships

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Original poster

Let’s not pretend about online dating…

15 replies

onlinedatingsux · 21/10/2024 10:47

I’ve seen many threads on online dating and wanted to say…

Most men on the apps are looking for just sex. You see it on Tinder and even on Bumble now - the vast majority of men are looking for 'fun, casual dates' or 'intimacy without commitment' or 'figuring out dating goals'. The few that state 'looking for a relationship' or 'long term but open to short' are mostly made up of men who are looking for casual sex too, but know that if they are open about it, they won't get it. There are men looking for relationships, but not that many in comparison.

I’m sick and tired of seeing posters who say: oh he just wasnt that into you. When will women stop putting the onus on them, as if they aren't good enough for these men, who are literally just looking for a shag. Many men are having fun swiping endlessly for years on the apps hoping for a quick shag or validation. Do you know many men are literally addicted to dating apps?

Sure, there are men looking for relationships too, but let's not pretend they are in the majority, and simply not into the many amazing women looking for actual relationships on the apps.

The book 'he's just not that into you' is great, but fucking hell, it's also become a way to make women think 'oh this man isn't into me - he's searching for his true one' as if many of these men are. A quick shag or validation is what most of these men want! Let's get real!

All I keep seeing is the same guys on online dating for years. Many of my guy friends are too. They’re not serious!! And think they’ll be able to settle in their 50s etc.

OP posts:

amothersinstinct · 21/10/2024 10:50

Yeah I agree. I deleted Bumble this weekend. I don't want to meet someone that way - loads of women will come on here and say they met their husbands OLD but the majority of them it was nearer 10 years ago. In 2024 it's a cesspit.

Twiglets1 · 21/10/2024 10:50

So true, my daughter has used these apps and nearly all the men are just after sex not a relationship.

MidnightMeltdown · 21/10/2024 10:58

I'm not sure that it's just online dating. Lots of men in RL are like this too. It's down to I change in culture.

I blame the 90s tv shows like sex and the city which taught women that they should be 'doing it like a man', having one night stands, and sleeping with people after a couple of dates, otherwise they aren't normal. Reality is that most women (not all) don't like casual sex, we aren't built that way.

Autumnblackberries · 21/10/2024 10:59

Absolutely this!!

It worked 10-15 years ago but that was THEN. I met my exH and many other decent men on OLD in the early 2000s, and I was in my 20s and 30s.

It certainly doesn't work now for women in their 40s and 50s. I've heard it's the same for younger women too.
It only works if a man who is chancing his arm happens upon a (usually younger) woman with low self esteem who needs the validation of a shag. He then gets to move onto the next one, and the next one...
Personally I hope all the apps go bankrupt.

noego · 21/10/2024 11:03

OLD or IRL I'm finding that people are generally dishonest and cannot communicate. People don't seem to know what they want.

Londonguy84 · 21/10/2024 11:06

Newsflash - It's not just men that want no strings casual hook ups.

I am GENUINLY after a relationship.

My mum ( who is in her 60's ) goes on more dates than I do, and has had her fair share of fun without any commitment over the last year....

Chowtime · 21/10/2024 11:06

Oh God yeah so true I went on them when I got divorced 15 years ago and the very first thing I noticed is

The same men are always there - they say they are "looking for a relationship" but if thats true, why the fuck are they on dating websites all the time.
A lot of them don't actually date - if you ask them what was the last film they saw at the cinema most of them will say "oh God I can't remember the last time I went to the cinema". Well, you're on a fucking dating website love, where are you taking your dates then if not to the cinema?
I once changed my status to "looking for casual relationships". The number of men who contacted me looking for sex who'se own status said "looking for a serious relationship" was staggering.

Yes, internet dating is the pits.

I prefer to hunt for men in the wild now.

Original poster

onlinedatingsux · 21/10/2024 12:48

So I just came across this - exact same post on Reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/WomenDatingOverForty/comments/1eh1vb6/men_and_dating_app_addiction/

OP posts:

username3678 · 21/10/2024 12:52

Most men on the apps are looking for just sex

Colour me surprised. He's just not into you is useful in that it means the woman can let go off hope that he wants a relationship. It doesn't mean she's not worthy of a relationship, it means that this particular man doesn't value her.

Londonguy84 · 21/10/2024 12:52

Chowtime · 21/10/2024 11:06

Oh God yeah so true I went on them when I got divorced 15 years ago and the very first thing I noticed is

The same men are always there - they say they are "looking for a relationship" but if thats true, why the fuck are they on dating websites all the time.
A lot of them don't actually date - if you ask them what was the last film they saw at the cinema most of them will say "oh God I can't remember the last time I went to the cinema". Well, you're on a fucking dating website love, where are you taking your dates then if not to the cinema?
I once changed my status to "looking for casual relationships". The number of men who contacted me looking for sex who'se own status said "looking for a serious relationship" was staggering.

Yes, internet dating is the pits.

I prefer to hunt for men in the wild now.

Who goes to the cinema for a date? That's got to be the WORST idea for a date ever!

Where do i take my dates? How about a beach walk, a forest walk, lunch at a country pub, drinks, dinner, bowling, crazy golf, SOOO many ideas!

And why are men always on a dating websites all the time? HMMMM maybe because just like you, they might just be looking for a relationship?!

OptimismvsRealism · 21/10/2024 12:54

People in general are getting worse. Set in their ways. Hostile to different perspectives. Don't enjoy the company of others much.

It's depressing.

FatLarrysBanned · 21/10/2024 12:59

I was looking for a FWB on Fabswingers. Chatting to a guy with potential. He was also chatting to my friend on Tinder saying he was looking for a LTR and he was really into blondes (her), and told me he was really into brunettes (me).

Me and friend had great fun over a slice of cake and a couple of coffees both messaging him at the same time until he twigged. He then asked if we'd like a threesome!

Moral is - men will cast their net far and wide and say whatever they need to for a leg over.

Mrsttcno1 · 21/10/2024 13:06

I think this is quite common for OLD but I don’t think this is exclusively men, women use it for these reasons as well.

Maybe it is age dependent as we are in our twenties (and I’m married so have never done OLD) but I have multiple friends who are online dating currently, mostly on Bumble, and they’re not really looking for Mr Husband they are also just looking for someone to have fun with. If that turns into something long term then amazing but their outlook is very much “lets have fun and see where it goes, if anywhere” rather than “I want to get married and have babies do you agree”.

username3678 · 21/10/2024 14:46

FatLarrysBanned · 21/10/2024 12:59

Me and friend had great fun over a slice of cake and a couple of coffees both messaging him at the same time until he twigged. He then asked if we'd like a threesome!

Moral is - men will cast their net far and wide and say whatever they need to for a leg over.

He then asked if we'd like a threesome!

That's hilarious!

Pushedmonkeyfrommyback · 21/10/2024 14:55

I have just deleted the apps. I was on them ten years ago and they seemed ok the. I met some nice men and we went for coffee, drinks, the cinema or for lunch. This time round I have Lycra clad men suggesting they “ swing by” as they pass on bike ride or another alternative is “going for walks “. I feel like the mentality has shifted and men have several potentials on the go and are unwilling to invest. I’m not talking about money - I’m happy to pay my share

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