Advice needed

[Aal2225]

My fiancé goes the the local brewery Sundays to watch football. He’s usually home by 9pm. He went today and drank a lot. He usually gets a ride home from our neighbor that works at the brewery. Anyways I call him at 10 when he’s not home and he is out with the people from the brewery at a lounge with loud music and I was very irritated that he didn’t communicate he was going out after. Then I hear nothing and he shows up at 12:30 with a bloody hand and his phone missing. He walked the 4 miles because he didn’t have a ride anymore. Then he was mad I was irritated and said I’m controlling. He was holding a water bottle and splashed the water in my face and walked off and passed out on the couch. I’m so upset.

Yes, you do sound a bit controlling but he also sounds like an alcoholic bully.

It all sounds a bit immature and toxic. Time to split up.

There is zero point trying to talk or reason with anyone when they are drunk. Best this is to leave it until they are sober and discuss it then. Personally I would expect at least a txt to let me know he was staying out so that I didn’t worry about him not being home at his usual time. It’s about respect, it’s not the staying out but letting your partner know you are okay. As for splashing water on your face that’s just immature and stupid. Coming home with a bloody hand, has he been fighting? Dont think this is the kind of life I would want.

I just looked at your other thread OP.

You really would be better off without him. You are totally financially supporting him while he enjoys a work free life style and he treats you with contempt.

Throwing water in your face should be the final straw OP.

Hi,

Sorry you’re going through this. It seems really hard, isn’t easy to walk away because you obviously love and care for him. It may be time for a hard conversation one with him and also yourself. Just sit with yourself for a little while and think about what it is that you are willing to accept and what it is that you aren’t. You were worried for his safety and it feels like partially maybe there is a struggle with trust. When things have settled and you’ve sat with yourself understanding what it is that you really want, you can try to communicate this with him. However just don’t hold the expectation that he is going agree, maybe you will be able to reach some sort of compromise. The water in the face was too far and I think that needs to be seriously talked about.

If you are unable to come to a compromise or he is unwilling to try.. you would have to try to come to terms with what he wants, or give yourselves a break and be separated for a time. Men sometimes as cliche as it sounds need a break to see what it is that they’re losing, as much as it would be nice that they knew in the first place. They don’t always. I’m not saying he won’t find someone else or he won’t try to fill the void with someone else.. but it may give him clarity on what you mean to him.

It is very hard to let go, I really understand that.. but if your needs aren’t being met, something has to happen in order for there to be a real shift, and I think he needs that change to really understand.

Hope you feel better x

You say fiance, get rid, cancel the wedding. He doesn’t sound like hes a good partner