I don't live with my boyfriend. But we have 6 years of history (4 together) he's been diagnosed with something that explains alot of his behaviours over the years. He doesn't express emotions like most and he is very unstable in general. It almost feels abusive as its a very unpredictable relationship.
He has been really terrible this year. Various issues have happened and I guess due to his diagnoses he has no impulse control at times. But ultimately the choices he has made have been terrible. They have cost him everything. But it seems to be the life he's stuck in and can't remove himself from. His landlord has now started a process to throw him out. I felt a large sense of anger and frustration at him because I know his landlord is an old traditional man who gave him a chance 18 months ago when nothing much was coming up. He was very lucky. He was at that point homeless but only spent one night walking around the streets as for 8 months he had work or me helping him stay in hotels. When he first moved In it felt such a relief. I'd spend alot of time there and we just had cosy days together and cook. He lived in the middle of town so everything was on the doorstep.
Stuff started to change in March when it felt he had got involved with people around the area who are dodgy and men you wouldn't want to have a family with..People I was taught to keep away from. These people have helped him on his journey to loose everything. I believe he has smoked drugs and this again was new to me. I have not been near his flat in 2 months because it became a place I hated. It was grubby and run down and it made me feel sad that we looked after it and made it a home and now it looks like a drug den.
During the summer he got ill and went delusional. He was distressed. Really unwell and scaring me. I called the mental health teams. GPS. Anyone that day. Paramedics came out but couldn't take him in as he was able to communicate and had capacity! So i was left to it. Luckily he was put through to the crises team and it took 3 months but he went to see a Dr last month who chalked it up that he had Bipolar and Borderline. He began taking meds.
Last week he overdosed whilst I was at work. I called him an ambulance. He went to hospital. Was released 4 hours later and turned up here. He had no medication and for 2 days he just sweated and slept and looked miserable. He couldn't wait to get out of my house Friday morning and go home. He then began to go silent for large chunks of the day and night. He was supposedly picking up a weekly prescription on Friday night and said he would call me when he walked to get it. Then I heard nothing until the next afternoon at 1pm. I was pissed off because he had been online in the early hours. He claimed his sim had frozen his phone. But I could hear in his voice he sounded fake with me like he was pretending everything was great but it wasn't. I was in another town shopping and got off the phone.
As I walked around I realised I had to end it. I could not keep going through this and I had wanted to leave months ago. I just felt pressure to resolve the MH side of things. So I messaged him and said
"It feels like you wasn't being honest with me then, I have tried my best but feel you are not really there anymore you are never contactable and it's making me so unhappy. I cannot enjoy my life as I'm forever wandering if you are OK. I feel its time we go our own separate ways as I can't see a way forward anymore"
He messaged me at 10pm that night saying he loved me and been sleeping all day and not to say those hurtful things. I did not reply. He messaged me at 2pm yesterday saying have you fell out with me. I explained to him again why I felt as I did and he replied twice before stopping replying.
It's now 7am and I've had no contact since 2.30 yesterday. I'm now worried I need to phone an ambulance again. I'm frightened all the time but I know it's not my fault.
What should I do? Do I need to do anything?