Looking for other women who have partners with ED, low libido.

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Hello, long one, sorry. (That's what she said)

First time poster, long time lurker lol. So, my partner of 6 years has ED. He's also got a really low libido so both combined is a nightmare for him.

This has been on going the whole time we've been together. He never told me these issues before we got together although if he did it wouldn't have made a difference because he's a brilliant partner.

I've got 4 kids, he has one. None together because of these issues. I'm 40 now. I've always said if I didn't have another child by the age of 36 I just wouldn't try. Don't ask me why, but that was the maximum age for me.

I kinda feel sad I didn't get the chance. Sorted of cheated out of it. My last baby, I lost at 7 weeks old. SIDS. Traumatic experience but after a few years I knew I wanted another chance. I love being a mam. But recently it's been on my mind more. For me it's too late and I don't resent him for it. It's not his fault he has these issues but I'm really sad it didn't happen.

Also, he was married then divorced previous to us getting together. I've always wanted to get married but even though I had children with my kids dad I just felt like marriage wasn't what I wanted with him. I was happy just being with him and didn't want that. I was with him 11 years.

I want this with my partner but I know it won't happen. Again I feel cheated because this was discussed along with kids in the early stages of our relationship. Again he's a brilliant man. He'll do anything for us and I just feel really ungrateful and struggling with the feeling.

Our sex life is non existent and I don't put any pressure on him but he's done nothing to try and fix it. He has low testosterone. Also he's bipolar so his meds don't help at all either so it's kind of a double whammy.

I've a high libido so kinda feel unfulfilled within the relationship. Sex is no reason id ever choose to leave the relationship because other than that its great. But I miss it. I miss him even though he's here. My self esteem is none existent. I don't feel attractive. I feel he doesn't find me attractive anymore and I've brought his up and he's said he does and he can't help whats happening but he can.

There's help there but he doesn't do anything about it. Because he doesn't have the desire it's fine for him but I still do. I want to feel wanted in that way. Am I being selfish? I hate bringing it up with him because I don't want him to feel bad about himself but by not doing that I feel rubbish about myself. I'm feeling so low with it all. We had sex 6 times last year and so far 3 times this year. I've mentioned it and he seemed pissed off because I've been counting.

I just needed to vent. I've no one to talk to. I can't talk to him about it because I don't want him to feel bad but I feel rubbish. Borderline hate myself if I'm being honest. He's noticed that I'm down and said to see a doctor but I don't want to take antidepressants for this because it's something we could work on rather than me take pills everyday. I'm just sick now.

The answer is to leave him and find a partner who does want sex, but you don’t want to leave, so there’s no solution.

I really feel for you and understand as I’m in a very similar situation.
My husband has a really low libido and although he’s very affectionate with me, he never flirts and our sex life is practically non existent.
I know that feeling of just wanting to be wanted and desired. It hurts so much and has completely shattered my self esteem.
Im staying with him as I love him and I love our life together, apart from our sex life, our relationship is great.
I often find myself thinking of an ex who used to really fancy me and who I had a great sex life with and wishing my husband was like that.
Im on anti depressants and have a feeling a huge part of me needing them is due to the effect his lack of sexual interest has on me.
It’s taken 2 years of me persuading him, but he’s finally agreed to see a doctor about his low libido. I’m hoping something will change as it’s unbearable.

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I don't feel that's the answer. He's a great partner, brilliant provider, even better dad to our kids. I'd be mental to give all that up just for sex. I could find someone who'd I have a great sex life with but could be lacking in everything else and I think that would be even worse. I'm not willing to do that which is why I'm asking other people or trying to what they are doing in my situation

My DH suffered around the time he started with anxiety, and antidepressants made it worse. It got to the point where I gave up trying as I found it frustrating, so we just stopped having sex. He refused to do anything about it, which I find selfish.
But luckily peri menopause kicked in and I have very little libido now, but I’m still very resentful that I lost those last years of libido.
So we are still together as I take the financial stability and company over the other option. Those are not to be dismissed at my age.

I'm the exact same. I often think I'm being too needy as I constantly need reassurance. I often wonder why he's with me or maybe the issue is me and if he was with someone else that it wouldn't be an issue.

This causes arguments because he's adamant he doesn't want anyone else. But there a niggle that tells me otherwise and I think it's because I'm so self conscious nowadays due to the lack i feel in sexual attraction from him. I think most women need to feel that.

I think he's gorgeous. I look at him and I think it every single day. I just want the same in return but he can't do it. He tells me Im beautiful all the time and although it's unprompted or anything I always think he's just saying it because I want to hear it. I love he thinks that but i want him to feel that im sexy. I feel stupid even typing it because I've not felt that way in a long time.

I just want him to want me in the same way I want him. On a larger scale sex is nothing in comparison to how great a dad he is and I want for nothing. The kids want for nothing. Hence feeling selfish and ungrateful just because of sex. Yes I could find someone who could give me great sex but I'd never find a man whose as devoted as he is. We need this fixed but not sure on how to broach the subject without being absolutely blunt. I don't want to ruin his self asteem aswell.

I’m in similar but different situation. My husband went off sex (with me) after the kids were born 15 years ago. We still have it a couple of times a year, but I know he’s doing it ‘for’ me so it misses the point really. I happen to know, because my MIL shares far too much, that his dad was the same. I think there is some libido still there, and he still sometimes masturbates (that’s a guess) but it’s gone for me. Otherwise we get on well and have a great life.

I have been dealing with it by having emotional affairs for 10 years. There has been the odd physical thing but I don’t want to get into that as it won’t end well. The funny thing is, I have only just realised what I’ve been doing. I almost broke completely a few months ago, which has prompted me to think about what’s going on. I don’t want to leave because the grass isn’t necessarily greener and it will be bad for the kids. Not really sure how to manage it longer term.

I've found myself looking forward to menopause so I too don't want a sexual relationship as much or at all but I feel like 40 isn't old and toher people my age are seeming to be having a great sex life. Like I've said I feel like I'm missing out on what shouldn't a great time in my life. Our kids are 12, 18 and 20 so there's no stopping us these days. I don't feel like I'm a girlfriend anymore. I just cook, clean, wash. I don't really have a purpose other than that. Maybe I am depressed and need help. I doubt myself all the time.

He has MH problems and ED and low testosterone - so do not conclude that you are unattractive or at fault in some way. Your partner has problems that are his own - it is not down to you in any way. YOU are just trying to find a way to live with HIS problem.

There's typos everywhere in my replied but it won't let me edit do I hope they make sense! Sorry in advance.

Thanks for this. I know it may be just as hard for him and its his issue which is why I feel so bad for him and selfish feeling how I do. He doesn't need me moaning at him for something out of his control.

Putting up with it, feeling shit about myself and dreaming of the day the kids are older so I can leave and find someone who desires me.

That's what I'm doing. There's no good solution if he won't try and change.

Would he consider the idea of an open marriage?

I dated a guy who had no libido and had ED. He didn't tell me. I only found out after a few months of dating, invited him to stay the night, he eagerly said yes and nothing happened. Not even a hint of morning glory.

I'm afraid I ended the relationship then.

this is a blokes answer 😂 Yes yes it's the right one but op isn't stupid - just wants somewhere to talk about it.

In the past there's been an issue with masturbation. He said he only did it because he was stressed and during sex he used to lose it if you get my drift.

It hurt a lot knowing he chose masturbation over sex because either because i never made him feel losing his erection was his fault. I knew it could happen and never made an issue if it didn't happen but I do feel that he's still doing it which makes the lack of intimacy hurt more and I'm paranoid he's managing on his own and choosing not to try with me.

I've never had anything emotional or physical with anyone else and I do t think I would either but I can understand why yourself and other might. Its the need to feel wanted. As you said the grass isn't always greener and in my case it definately isn't. He is literally the love of my life but I fear this is going to end us and its scary.

How’s the financial side, OP - you mention that you’ve never been married and you have four kids from a previous partner. Do you own property or have a well paid job so there aren’t worries there? What will happen in the future on that front?

I'm so sorry. Nothing useful to add but you are not alone.

I own my own place but do t currently live there due to it not being big enough for his daughter to have a room. I make enough to support myself and kids if we we're ever to ultimately split. If that we're to happen I could just go back to my old life that I had. I was single for a very long time before my partner