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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling hollow after leaving long term relationship

5 replies

Wynethrose · 20/10/2024 19:18

Hi , I posted on here a few months ago because I left my long term partner after 25 years , loads of reasons why but it was something I'd thought about for a very long time so alot of thought had gone into it.
Fast forward two months and I'm still struggling to feel myself...at the beginning I was ok but I seem have days where I feel very low and can't see the point of carrying on if I'm honest...and other days I feel ok.
I just want to ask other people who've left a long term relationship or marriage if these are normal feelings to have , I feel like part of me is missing and I don't know how to fix it.

OP posts:
Swanbeauty · 20/10/2024 19:25

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

PashaMinaMio · 20/10/2024 21:27

Here is my story OP, I hope it helps. Of course you feel as if part of you is missing. Your heart has been ripped out.

I’m in a very similar position and have been at absolute rock bottom. There’s a lot of us in your shoes so you’re not alone. It’s coming up to 3 months for me and I’m heartbroken. Totally devastated and betrayed. I am not young. It happens to all ages.

I’ve started therapy (privately) to unpick why my breakup has affected me so badly. I’ve deleted all his social media and given he’s been cheating, we don’t have to be in touch but on a day to day basis it’s crucifying when he was such a massive part of my life. (No kids between us.) Within 2 weeks of our breakup he was in bed with OW.

The first thing I did was book a holiday in the sun all by myself. I went abroad and was the only solo diner in a restaurant full of loved up couples but I made the best of it and enjoyed all the hotel had to offer. The sunshine and swimming was helpful and I made some new acquaintances. I explored my surroundings and challenged myself with a new activity every day. It was hard, but I did it!

The second thing I’ve done is join a local country club. I use the gym & I swim most days. I will sign up for exercise classes too. When I’m not at the club, I walk every day.

It’s a great place for burning off stress, anxiety, panic attacks and anger! I’m not overweight but I want to drop 2 dress sizes and next spring hope to look less heavy and more toned than now. (I’ve had 2 serious surgery’s in recent years and haven’t been able to exercise.) Exercise helps me sleep too.

As soon as I feel emotionally less vulnerable I’ll try a dating site but the jury’s out on that for now because I’m not ready.

My family and friends have been a wonderful support so meet up with others as much as you can. Get yourself out there. Turn to them for comfort and hugs. At times like this you find out who your friends are.

There are lots of helpful relationship gurus on Instagram. I find some of them helpful for giving me insight into my state of mind. It’s like a bereavement, there are stages to go through; depression, anxiety, panic attacks, anger, indifference until one day you wake up and feel more like yourself again. It takes time. It can’t be hurried. Believe me I know. You’ll be fine. Set yourself some goals and go for it.

Keep the faith, better days are coming. The universe has a better plan for you!

bellalou1234 · 20/10/2024 21:52

I've left a 17-year relationship for a lot of reasons. But I'm finding it hard on my own. Coming in to an empty house. I have days where I think the grass isn't greener at all. I hope it passes. My mood isn't good. I'm drinking more wine when alone. I miss him even tho it was the right decision

toobusybee123 · 20/10/2024 22:10

I'm 2 months out of a 9 year relationship. I still have empty/low moments, but I have filled myself with people I love and things I enjoy doing (reading, walking, gym, cooking etc.) which has really helped, and I have started therapy which has been incredibly helpful (albeit expensive!). I have set boundaries with my ex and other men, and have been trying to make active choices that value myself and put myself first. I have tried not to dwell on the negatives of the relationship, and instead have tried to focus on all the positive things it brought (memories, developing my character, new interests and opportunities etc.). I also have to regularly remind myself why it was the right thing that it ended. Oh and I have a notebook by my bed where I just get everything out from my head and on to paper, and downloaded some daily quote apps which although might seem a bit cringey have actually been really affirming on some days!

These are just things that I have found helpful - I appreciate that they might not be things that are useful to you, but I suppose I'm just trying to make a point that there are good things to life outside of that relationship and there are still reasons to get out of bed.

I'm sorry that you're struggling - although it's a cliche, I do think that time is / must be a healer (everyone says that, right?!), as well as being supported by wonderful people.

Sending hugs, please keep us posted on how you're doing xx

Wynethrose · 21/10/2024 05:29

Thank you all so much !! I'm sorry you're all going through similar, I hope you all start to feel some sunshine soon .
I'm hoping that time does start to heal and this is just all part of a grieving process that we have to go through.
When I'm feeling low I will look at your messages for inspiration and hope...so thank you 💕.

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