This is going to be long, so please bear with me. I am looking for kind replies please, as I am feeling quite down about this and have other troubles in my life. I am simply looking for an analysis of what may have happened here, as I am confused.
Earlier in the year, I met a guy who I was very attracted to and upon initial meeting we seemed to click and hit it off extremely well. He was very keen on me and messaging and calling regularly, setting up nice dates, and making plans. After the fourth date, he became freaked out and said he couldn't dedicate time to a relationship now - his work was very stressful and he needed to change jobs, and that was his priority. It was quite random, as I never asked him for a relationship or his intentions. We were going on fun dates! But anyway I reassured him that we were getting to know each other and there is no pressure for a relationship, and we can date casually and see where it may go. Also after so long of not having sex after my last relationship came to an end, I thought maybe I could sleep with him and enjoy something casual (I didn't say this part as I was trying to figure it out). Anyway, after this conversation, he drifted off and I didn't hear from him for a few weeks, after which he messaged to say he was in a better place and asked me out.
We went on a few dates, and started sleeping together, when he revealed that he was unwell and having tests done for a medical problem (I won't share here, as it's massively outing). I understood he was going through work stress and this health concern, so I didn't expect too much.
Then he vanished for a couple of months and I didn't follow up because of all the stuff going on in his life - I was hurt, as I liked him, but thought it was best to leave it. He matched with me on another dating app two months later, and he said he was sorry he disappeared and really wanted to talk to me. He told me that he got the results back from the hospital and he had this health condition, and needed an operation for it. I gave him the benefit of doubt, and said we could continue to see each other, but I wanted to know if he was after something casual, or whether he wanted to keep things light for now with a view to get to know each other potentially for a relationship. I wanted things to be clear, also I told him ghosting is not ok.
He apologised, and said he's looking for a meaningful connection, can't commit to anything right now, but he wants to spend time getting to know me, and developing something organically at a good pace. This sounded fine to me, so I saw him for around 5 weeks and supported him during this time, mostly by meeting up and having a nice time. I spent the day with him when he got his results following the operation, giving him the all clear. He also introduced me to his parents and sister who were visiting to support him that day. The following weeks he seemed distant and I started to become insecure, and ended things respectfully. I didn't want him to vanish again, so I cut the cord. Yet the following week I regretted things and asked him if he wanted to carry on dating, that we could keep things nice and light, and continue to get to know each other. He agreed, saying that's where his head was at. We had an amazing date together. He thanked me for a wonderful night a few days later. Then I didn't hear from him. Again. That was two months ago.
He went through a lot this year, with his work stress and health situation, so I do understand how someone probably couldn't give their all to something. But to simply vanish again, when things were picking up, has hurt me. We spent many weeks talking and dating, and I even met his family. Why would someone do this? If he wasn't feeling it, why not just say? We are both grown ups.
I know I shouldn't have given him a second chance, but I gave him benefit of doubt because of the health problems he had. I'm a good person and we had been speaking for many months.
He doesn't have a history of many long term relationships, so I wonder if he's avoidant. Or just wasn't into me. But he seemed into me. Once again, whatever it was, why not simply communicate.
Any thoughts welcome, thank you.