Partner still has dating sites profiles

[Sunrise1708]

Been with my partner four years. Throughout that time, my partner has had three dating site profiles she's never deleted; despite us being in a committed relationship.

This morning, whilst cooking breakfast, I saw her on Plenty of Fish, scrolling through the profiles. I asked why she feels the need to keep these profiles active despite having a man who loves and cares for her. She said that her profile is inactive and only logs on because she gets the occasional email from them. I then asked her why she just doesn't delete them. She said that she 'can't bring herself to delete them'. She seems attached to them.

Despite the fact that I've told her how it makes me feel, she continues to keep hold of them. Is this normal in the modern Internet age? Am I overreacting?

She's so casual about it wow! this would be a deal breaker for many, she could just be nosy but she might actually enjoy the attention of messaging too, which I think there must be more to it than just looking at random profiles.

Do you actually mean 4 years and not for months?

If genuinely 4 years then this should surely be a dealbreaker.

Nope that's not right.
Dealbreaker for me.

I found out about the daying sites a year ago. She admitted that she'd had the profiles since before lockdown, which was before I met her. The ones she has are the free ones; POF, Facebook Dating and another one.

She have very low self-esteem and I feel she uses these sites to chat to men, seeking validation or whatever. She reassures me that she doesn't go on them and gets quite irritated that I feel Insecure about them. It's bizarre.

I'm a good guy, but this is demeaning. Despite repeated talks she says she can't get rid of them.

This is crazy! I met my DP on a dating app and we deleted our profiles straight away. If I found out his was active I’d consider it cheating. How would she feel if you were still using online dating OP?

Fours years...and counting! I was trying to get a female perspective on it. She seems perfectly happy with our relationship but wants to keep these dating site profiles. I don't get it. Why jeopardise a relationship for a few dating apps?

I'd consider it cheating, I bet she wouldn't like it it you had the same approach to still being on the apps!
I wouldn't tolerate it from a new partner let alone after 4 years, I guess it's down to you and what you decide to do next, I think you are worth more than putting up with this behaviour.

I’ve previously caught men on them. For me it was game over because they have no business being active on them.
Your partner may look out of curiosity but in my opinion you don’t even want to window shop if you’re actually interested in your partner. I don’t think she is fully into you to do this.

Low self-esteem is not an excuse for such disrespectful behaviour, that is frankly cheating. Plus she is dismissing your thoughts and emotions completely. Her definition of committed seems warped. Better not to waste any more time with her. She can continue being on dating apps as an actual single woman.

This isn't normal or right behaviour.

When I met my partner we deactivated our
profiles early on and more recently we've deleted our accounts altogether.

My partner still had his profile up after a couple of months and I asked him if he was waiting for a better offer. But I also knew he wasn't
active on it. He took it down within a few days of that conversation.

I think it's time for a firm chat. If she doesn't agree to taking all profiles down I'd end the relationship. And to be honest the fact you need to ask her to take them down after 4 years is a massive red flag.

Oh god no this is so unacceptable! Four years and checking dating sites, I would 100% class this as cheating. My partner and I met on a dating site and both deactivated our accounts after our first date!

It is cheating.

She won't get rid of them. My ex kept creating new ones and claimed he was addicted, had low self esteem, was easier to talk to strangers etc.

He was just a cheat and so is she.

Have more respect for yourself and end the relationship. She'll replace you within a week.

This is very disrespectful to you and/or to these other men. I would absolutely end the relationship with her over this. Its really awful behavior.

Tell her, you've decided to join a few sites seeing as she's on them. See how she likes that. I think you might as well do it yourself, you may well need a replacement soon. Have you really been this much of a doormat for a year? She even does it in front of you. How can you ever think there would be a world where its normal?

If she’s still active on these sites and chatting to men then I’d consider it cheating.

At the very least it’s absolutely disrespectful as fuck and it would be a deal breaker for me.

There is no need for anyone to have dating profiles when they’re in a relationship - none at all

I agree.

Please don't be a doormat. She is disrespectful.

It's stealth mode time. Create a phoney account on one of the sites (be sure to find a random handsome guy photo for it and get it from someplace that will not be easy for her to find) and start flirtatiously messaging her. That will show you exactly how far she goes in conversations with these men. After some chatting back and forth for about a week, see if she is willing to meet for a date, and if she agrees, she will get the shock of her life when you show up. I would film her reaction. 😁
Even if she won't meet her fictional admirer, keep all the evidence of the chats, confront her with it and dump her microcheating ass.