Does anyone else have a parent that argues just for the sake of arguing?

[NowImNotDoingIt]

How do you deal with it? A lot of it is instant contradiction and it's incredibly frustrating and exhausting.

Latest example.

Me: Mum, do you remember the name of my maths tutor? (I actually wanted to know this)

Her: He wasn't your maths tutor , he was your economics tutor.

Me: No he wasn't, he was maths. When I stopped going I went to Mrs X, and she was my maths teacher.

Her: who was your economics tutor then?

Me: Miss Y, the blonde lady from x highschool.

Her: oh well, it's been too long I don't remember.

Me: That's fine , but why not admit that then instead of insisting he wasn't maths?

Her: I can never say anything to you! You always argue with me.

This happens a lot and unless I provide "evidence " and actually prove my side with details or whatever she's right and I'm wrong. When I show her I'm right (rarely, because unless I need an answer/information related to the topic I let it go) then I'm the bad guy and I always argue with her. And of course the eternal defence of "I don't remember".

The details don’t matter in this situation. When she said, “he wasn’t your maths tutor, he was your economics tutor” you should’ve said, “Ok, what was his name again?”

You get the info you need. No argument. It sounds to me from this altercation that you’re both exactly the same. Both want to be right and will argue the point. You probably clash because you’re so alike. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Even if she has got the details wrong, who cares? It doesn’t really matter. What matters is having a good relationship with your mum. Pick your battles with more discernment.

My mum was quite like that. She would tell me something, a couple of months later I'd mention it then she'd deny she ever knew, insist someone else told me and get very angry.
Some days, she would just automatically disagree with anything I said. The best was when I got my son new shoes and she argued they were the wrong size. I said his feet were measured at Clarks, she said "well they've given him the wrong ones because his feet aren't that size" then didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.
I think it was when she was in a mood and wanted to take it out on someone, I was the obvious target because she was widowed when I was in my teens so there was no DH to argue with. I constantly walked on eggshells.

I had a similar one. She insisted my friend's DD's uniform was better looking /neater than my DD's. We both got the uniforms on the same day , from the same supplier at the school. Then she said oh , she must've ironed it. Uhmm , no she didn't, plus it was nursery so jogging bottoms and cardigan types. How one looked "better" and "fancier" than the other I have no idea.

It doesn't quite work like that , does it?

She either still wouldn't have remembered (fair enough) or , since details don't matter, just give me any random male teacher name she plucked up.

@NowImNotDoingIt
Oh yes I recognise that- the comparison argument!

just stop asking her stuff and talking to her. It's exhausting trying to engage with someone who just wants to argue with you. I mean, the conversation you describe above wasn't meaningful, enjoyable or pleasant was it? Never underestimate how much energy those type of people have - they will always use their mouth as a weapon and you won't win.

Or - you could try doing it back to her, if you've got the energy.

Well, if she won’t give you the information that you need just call her out and leave.

“I can see you’re looking for an argument and I won’t engage with that today, so I’m leaving.”

Say no more and leave. Do this every time she starts. She’ll soon learn that she gets nothing from it and will either change her behaviour or you will be removing yourself and not have to deal with it every time. I had to do this with my father. It does work. He never argues with me now. If he starts going that way now, all have to say is, I don’t want to argue with you. And he stops because he knows that I’ll leave if he doesn’t. Worth a try.

it doesn’t work overnight btw. It requires persistent execution but it does work.