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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I’ve been screwed over

13 replies

SunnyUser · 20/10/2024 10:00

This isn’t really child related this a women to women situation, I need some support processing this and dissecting it for what it is…..

I am a single mother my sons dad left for me his ex when I became pregnant never returned or has anything to do with my son.

When my son was four months old I was taken out on a date things were going really well, he then backed down and said he wasn’t ready so I decided to run background checks on this person as I didn’t believe it was as innocent as that. I found that he has previous with someone who works in the pub that he drinks in and that his mum also worked in and that there was signs this was going on. I asked if there was anyone else he said no I didn’t believe it and I chose to walk away and went no contact…. Some time later he reproached me with this person deleted from his life (I checked) things have been amazing for months we booked a holiday only last week and I got the keys to my house which he had spent last weekend decorating for me whilst I was I working.

Low and behold on Tuesday after not going in the pub since we had gotten back together he has returned back in there and he came over to see me after stayed the night and in the morning he either added her back or accepted her adds back whilst he was with me.

I flew of the handles once I had saw when he left me and he refused to acknowledge what I was saying as he was very shocked I knew about all of this and never told him I knew for sure…. He then ended it with me and didn’t respond to my last message asking to have a proper conversation about all of this, then on Friday he took all of our happy memories down of his social media but didn’t remove me from anything so he clearly wanted me to see that. I have in returned blocked this person everywhere as I believe this was the right thing to do. I’m completely confused and do not understand what the hell has gone on here and processing it is hard xx

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 20/10/2024 10:56

Sorry, but what?

Fluffywabbits · 20/10/2024 11:01

If you were uncertain enough to decide to run background checks, it should have been dead in the water at that point. Can't really make sense of the rest.

GrazingLamb · 20/10/2024 11:03

How did you ‘run background checks’.

98bottles · 20/10/2024 11:04

Another one wondering about these background checks. And, what fluffy said.

Chowtime · 20/10/2024 11:05

Focus on your baby and yourself and your career.

Single mums are commonly targeted by peodophiles or men looking for somewhere to live.

Meadowfinch · 20/10/2024 11:10

Op, it sounds like you were the reserve option.

You've blocked him (well done), now focus on yourself and your little one for a while.

Justcallmebebes · 20/10/2024 11:12

What background checks? Sorry, but this is really hard to understand

TwistedWonder · 20/10/2024 11:20

Focus on your child and stop wasting time on dickhead game playing fuckwits.

Although I’m struggling to understand your post, the gist seems to be he’s a twat

BobbyBiscuits · 20/10/2024 11:32

So your fella used to date some girl from the pub. He then went to that pub and stayed overnight there with her? Then added her again. So you blocked him.
Sounds like you made the right decision and he probably is back with her again. Good riddance I'd say.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 20/10/2024 11:46

Eh? What background checks? Why did you take him back to stay the night?

SunnyUser · 20/10/2024 11:59

Sorry that message was poorly written I was very upset this morning.

In the early days I suspected something might be going on but we was just seeing each other. I investigated social media once his phone had dinged the same name a few times. When I put the whole thing together I asked him where we stood and we wouldn’t commit I asked if there was anyone else and he said no which I knew wasn’t true so I walked away from him. Some time later he came back to me and said he wanted to be with me properly and give things ago. I checked everything again this person seemed to have disappeared.

Until this week when he made a return to the place he had been avoiding and added her back straight away. He came to me Tuesday and said he had been in the pub and knew from them on shit was gonna hit the fan an by the morning I was correct.

Any how I got dumped for questioning this stuff and he was very shocked I never shared my knowledge of this over the past 5 months.

i definitely have made the right choice it seems.

OP posts:
NovemberMorn · 19/01/2025 17:18

You are, were, and probably always will be second choice as far as he is concerned..

Get rid for good, everyone deserves to be first choice, it'll be worth the wait.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 19/01/2025 17:21

Hope he finished the decorating.

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