help I need advice...

[Foxglove8x]

I posted some art that I like on social media of female form (not a photo of me) my bf has told me he doesn't like me posting "sexually suggestive images of women and that other men will be thinking of me as they look at the art. he says if I don't stop posting feminine form or/and delete that he will finish the relationship.

Here is an example of one of the images I posted nbecause I liked and thought it as beautiful. so I often post as I like them and also to store in album on fb.

Am I being inappropriate? I just see it as art. I am not trying to attract men or send any suggestive signals to friends or family. ( the is what bf says other men
and women will think of me because of the image I shared.)

Hazelplayer thank you for your message! I was going to say id like to know what other men think of what I've said and the images I shared, as bf is saying I don't understand because im a woman and that men think differently. that im naive for not realising that men will think im showing sexually suggestive stuff to show that im "like that" and im encouraging them.

He is far away LDR at the moment. spoken for year and half. we met recently for a week together and it was lovely. I told him that I asked for advice and that the feedback I have had is that it is controlling.

he rang me shouting at me that id ruined everything and has told me it's over. im heartbroken. and hope I can sleep. I Hope he will apologise tomorrow

thanks everyone for yr messages. made me feel a little better like im not going crazy! ha

Is he religious?

No, not religious

He has a serious problem.

The trash has taken itself out OP. You've had a lucky escape.

As he has phoned and finished it anyway put the pictures you like back online and block him so he can't see anyway.

He's a controlling knob OP.

I can't see what you could possibly argue about for a whole day. He sounds boring, like him thinks all men think the same and all women should behave the same.

You could post a picture of a cheese sandwich and some men might think it means sex, or a picture of you topless sunbathing and some men would just think nice holiday.

It was a pointless argument to win control over your actions where he could.

Look at what he is saying objectively if you like. He is saying that using the female form in art means men will be driven wild by sex references. That sharing or liking such images, even if they are sexual in creation, means you are indicating you are open for sex. Not you might enjoy celebrating the messy, orgasmic sensation of sex, which is also fine, but you are inviting men to you. So what as a 21st western woman you, according to him, are NOT ALLOWED to like the female body, celebrate sex or post any image that a man, someone you don't know and will never meet, might think you are up for a random banging?

Can you not see how fucking deranged his argument is? Just logically, it's a backward, controlling, possessive, boring, uneducated point of view. Who wants to communicate and spend time with someone so unenlightened.

And further on from this fine he can be a dumb prick about these images but his point of view should not manifest in you taking actions you don't want or believe in.

You liked those pictures you didn't want to take them down. Ask yourself why did you?

I would have posted more and told him to go fuck himself I need a man with more intelligent art criticism.

Thank god he finished it because it sounds like you wouldn't.

Thank god he lives overseas.

Bet he uses the expression "body count"

Totally agree that the trash has taken itself out!
Time to block him everywhere before he tries to manipulate his way back in.

images.app.goo.gl/GBDqwLg4HeoSgwjs7

Here is one for later

This.

Don't stay with a controller.

You've done nothing wrong and he's being controlling. A little story from my history - I'm an artist, I had a controlling ex, I'd painted some berries in a painting and he flipped out because the berries (he said) resembled the tip of a penis and said I should change them. I changed him instead.

as bf is saying I don't understand because im a woman and that men think differently

Men and women are not homogenous mass clones who think exactly the same way because they are one sex or the other.

He appears to be projecting how he thinks, which is kinda weird to me. Very quick to label a woman as "like that" on not very much evidence.

Even if other men think the way he does; as I said the chances of such delusional men coming on to you is low, and even if they did .... You would just ignore it or rebuff them. Just like you would if a man came onto you in a bar or anywhere else.

Are you "allowed" to go out socially without him?

Because I'm struggling to imagine that when he is the sort of person who says that if you post a few arty, mystical illustrations etc of the female form with inspirational quotes; that men will think you are "like that" - by which I presume he means some kind of promiscuous or oversexed or up for it (huge stretch, huge) and who threatens to end the relationship if you don't agree to remove them ....... How he could be the sort of person who allows his partner freedom in socialising etc. ???

His behaviour is not normal or reasonable.

How long have you been long distance? How much longer would that have continued?

Do you think he's being a "good boy" himself ... Do you think he's projecting his own behaviour onto you?

He sounds over the top, extreme, controlling etc.
And judgemental.

I'm wondering what culture he's from and where that's a factor.

he rang me shouting at me that id ruined everything and has told me it's over.

He's crazy, unreasonable and extreme.

Do you really want to hitch your wagon in life to someone like this?

How the fuck could he be reasonable about anything when he's acting like this over a few arty farty, non explicit, inspirational female form illustrations??

He sounds like he hasn't developed/matured as an adult.

I dated someone like this too - he was similarly jealous, possesive, controlling, seeing "inappropriate" behaviour in everything, interpreting everything in the most base "all men are trying to fuck all women all the time", "men will think ABC"....... with me expected to restrict my life to make him feel secure about the possibility of another man seeing me, chatting to me, assuming (wrongly) I was a available or up or it
I posted on here and someone described him as developmentally stunted & immature and j realised they were right. He hasn't grown up emotionally/mentally. He was like a toddler trying to control things and throwing temper tantrums. He couldn't regulate his emotions.
He expected others to amend their behaviour to not provoke his unregulated, intense emotions.

It was present in lots of other aspects of his character when I thought about it. I bet your bf is the same.

Relationships and life don't have to be like that.
With another man, your image posts would be water off a duck's back. Or at minimal, an eye roll.
They wouldn't assume your FB messenger would be deluged by thousands of horned up men thinking you are promiscuous because of a few arty pics of the female form with inspirational quotes. They would assume that if anyone did ever contact you, you would tell him and ignore it/block them/report them if the were inappropriate.

(To reiterate, what I find among the mist laughable things is that there are literally a million sexy, posed, filtered, attention seeking, validation seeking pics of real women on their SM ..... What man needs to focus on illustrations of not real women whose purpose is not even sexual??)

It is not you that has 'ruined everything ' @Foxglove8x . Please don't take him back, even if he does apologise. He sounds dangerous.

I recommend two eye opening books.

"Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry men" by Lundy Bancroft.
It is available free one. Lundy Bancroft seems like a really decent bloke and has let people access it for free.
It's primarily about physical abuse but covers all types of abuse.
He worked with domestic abusers for decades before writing it.
The "myths about abuse" and "abuser profiles" sections are a fast, easy way to get into the book.

The other one is "How he gets in her head, intimate partner abuse" by Don Hennessy.
Another man who has worked with abusers and abused for decades.
I haven't seen his book free anywhere.
It takes a little while to get into but it's worth persevering.

I have a feeling this blow up by him is not the only thing he's been doing in this relationship.

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

This is the Lundy Bancroft book "Why does he do that"

OP if you get back together with this guy you will spend your life trying to appease him, it's not about him not liking your preference in art, it's not about you not understanding how men think, this entire argument was about him putting you in your place and controlling you, if it wasn't this thing it would be something else. It could be not liking you working with men, not wanting you to go out without him, not liking your friends, not trusting your mum, you eating a lunch he doesn't like when he's not even with you at lunch, it will always be something. Sometimes it will be nothing at all as he won't tell you what you did to upset him, you should know and you better apologize and walk in eggshells so you don't do it again. Leave this man in the past and be grateful you don't share a home or kids or are financially dependent on him.

I told him that I asked for advice and that the feedback I have had is that it is controlling.

If you ever find yourself in this situation again, never tell them you got advice or support from someone else. He might try to talk you back round by claiming you've been under a bad influence, and if he wins he will want to vet your friends and decide which ones you are allowed. If he's prone to violence he might go after them.

Oh every woman who advises you he's controlling or unreasonable will be a dried up old crone cat lady, or a bitter divorcée or mad feminist etc.

Any man who advises you he's controlling will be trying to shag you, or a "cuck" or "beta".

OP, if its of any interest, I showed my P your images this morning and asked him what he would think of a woman who posted them on SM.

He said "Woo .. a bit Woo".

Then he said "spiritual?"

I said - "her bf thinks she's attracting the attention of men with them who'll see her after sexual" and he turned back to his pc shaking his head and muttering "fucking mental" or words to that effect.