Ex has someone new

Someonenew22 · 2024-10-19T13:01:54+00:00

Our 2 children 8/9 see their dad every 2 weeks . They mentioned daddy friend a few times. And daddy went to dinner at her house etc. This is his neighbour. I asked ex if he was seeing her. He said no they are just friends. She wants more But he does not. But I noticed he's changed his screen saver on his phone from the boys to her. So I do think he's seeing her. Am I right in thinking as long as our boys are happy not to say anything? Should I be asking anything? Checking anything. Or should I just leave it that as long as the kids are happy it's all fine ?

LifeExperience · 19/10/2024 14:03

He has the same parental rights as you, so there's really nothing you can do.

Osirus · 19/10/2024 14:04

It sounds like it - I’ve never had a friend as a screensaver on my phone.

I think you’re right just to leave it as everyone is happy. He should be honest with you though. Maybe he will be in the months to come.

SeulementUneFois · 19/10/2024 14:05

Do exactly what you'd be happy for him to do if he suspected you were seeing someone new.

BigFatLiar · 19/10/2024 14:07

Up to him if he is more than friends. Perhaps more interesting is if he is more than friends why is he worried about telling you?

Original poster

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 14:15

LifeExperience · 19/10/2024 14:03

He has the same parental rights as you, so there's really nothing you can do.

No i don't want to do anything like that. I just want to be sure the kids are happy

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Original poster

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 14:16

Osirus · 19/10/2024 14:04

It sounds like it - I’ve never had a friend as a screensaver on my phone.

I think you’re right just to leave it as everyone is happy. He should be honest with you though. Maybe he will be in the months to come.

Yeah he might just feel awkward

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TipsyJoker · 19/10/2024 14:18

It’s none of your business. He has the exact same parental rights as you and is entitled to a private life. Keep your nose out. If the kids come to you and tell you anything concerning, that’s different. Otherwise, leave it be and hope that she’s lovely and good to the kids. If they do build a relationship, you want to be on good terms with the woman who will be around your children. So, play nice.

Original poster

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 14:19

BigFatLiar · 19/10/2024 14:07

Up to him if he is more than friends. Perhaps more interesting is if he is more than friends why is he worried about telling you?

Maybe it's very new . Or he's not sure himself. I just want to be sure the kids are happy that's all . There's no hard feelings between us or anything

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Original poster

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 14:24

TipsyJoker · 19/10/2024 14:18

It’s none of your business. He has the exact same parental rights as you and is entitled to a private life. Keep your nose out. If the kids come to you and tell you anything concerning, that’s different. Otherwise, leave it be and hope that she’s lovely and good to the kids. If they do build a relationship, you want to be on good terms with the woman who will be around your children. So, play nice.

I have absolutely no problem with him seeing someone. I don't have anything against her. I don't know her. And I don't get the play nice comment I have no intention of doing/saying anything to cause any form of upset. I simply want to make sure the kids are happy. And yes i agree if they come to me and say they are upset them that would be different.

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Sidebeforeself · 19/10/2024 14:33

You keep saying you want to make sure the kids are happy. So how do you normally check they are happy? Whatever it is do that !

Original poster

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 14:40

Sidebeforeself · 19/10/2024 14:33

You keep saying you want to make sure the kids are happy. So how do you normally check they are happy? Whatever it is do that !

Thank you

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TipsyJoker · 19/10/2024 14:51

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 14:24

I have absolutely no problem with him seeing someone. I don't have anything against her. I don't know her. And I don't get the play nice comment I have no intention of doing/saying anything to cause any form of upset. I simply want to make sure the kids are happy. And yes i agree if they come to me and say they are upset them that would be different.

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I think you might be either lying to yourself or trying to downplay your feelings about the matter. You’re bothered enough to post about it on mn. You keep saying, “I want to make sure my kids are happy” but from what you’ve said the kids haven’t indicated that they care in any way. I think you’re deep down just being nosey and want to know his private business by making it about the kids. Be real. It’s about you. You want to know if he’s seeing her. You want to know how serious it is. You’re the one noticing his screensaver changes. Things are amicable which is good. I think it can be hard when someone new comes into our children’s lives, especially if they might potentially end up being a parental role model and caregiver. I think it’s understandable to be concerned about their influence in our children’s lives and to have some insecurity around that. Ask yourself, is it just about the kids being happy or are you also a little uncomfortable with the possible changing dynamics?

Original poster

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 15:28

TipsyJoker · 19/10/2024 14:51

I think you might be either lying to yourself or trying to downplay your feelings about the matter. You’re bothered enough to post about it on mn. You keep saying, “I want to make sure my kids are happy” but from what you’ve said the kids haven’t indicated that they care in any way. I think you’re deep down just being nosey and want to know his private business by making it about the kids. Be real. It’s about you. You want to know if he’s seeing her. You want to know how serious it is. You’re the one noticing his screensaver changes. Things are amicable which is good. I think it can be hard when someone new comes into our children’s lives, especially if they might potentially end up being a parental role model and caregiver. I think it’s understandable to be concerned about their influence in our children’s lives and to have some insecurity around that. Ask yourself, is it just about the kids being happy or are you also a little uncomfortable with the possible changing dynamics?

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I feel like your trying to make digs . But then at the same time saying you get where I am coming from. If I saw the picture I saw the picture that's just how it is.

Assuming she's a nice person the parenting role model may be nice for them . Ds has autism and learning difficulties. And ex doesn't understand it at all. Where she may do. So that would be a good thing.

If the kids don't care either way that's fine to. For all I know he might be keeping it all separate because it's new

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TipsyJoker · 19/10/2024 16:05

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 15:28

I feel like your trying to make digs . But then at the same time saying you get where I am coming from. If I saw the picture I saw the picture that's just how it is.

Assuming she's a nice person the parenting role model may be nice for them . Ds has autism and learning difficulties. And ex doesn't understand it at all. Where she may do. So that would be a good thing.

If the kids don't care either way that's fine to. For all I know he might be keeping it all separate because it's new

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I’m not making digs I’m stating how it appears to me and perhaps that’s touched a nerve with you? I suppose it’s difficult to detect tone via the written word at times. All I’m saying is, you should really think about how you really feel about this. Hopefully, if their relationship progresses it will be a positive for your children and even for you. Perhaps if you cultivate a good relationship with her, she will become an ally in getting your ex to manage your son better. I wish you the best,
I do but I am asking you, is it really just about the kids? What does this development mean for you? If you say nothing then you’re not being honest with yourself. Anyone who comes into you or your ex’s lives, therefore the children’s lives will change the dynamics. And that’s something you should think about now and understand how you really feel about it. It’s not about jealousy or some kind of dormant feelings for your ex. It’s about how this affects your family/coparenting dynamic.

GreyCarpet · 19/10/2024 16:11

He may well just be seeing if it has legs before saying anything to you.

He doesn't have tonkeep you informed of what ti's going on in his life. That feels a bit weird to begin woth when you've been married but you wouldn't tell him if you'd jsit started seeing someone either, would you?

Boomer55 · 19/10/2024 16:51

It’s not your business who he’s seeing. If the kids are happy, that’s all it needs to be.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/10/2024 17:40

TipsyJoker · 19/10/2024 16:05

I’m not making digs I’m stating how it appears to me and perhaps that’s touched a nerve with you? I suppose it’s difficult to detect tone via the written word at times. All I’m saying is, you should really think about how you really feel about this. Hopefully, if their relationship progresses it will be a positive for your children and even for you. Perhaps if you cultivate a good relationship with her, she will become an ally in getting your ex to manage your son better. I wish you the best,
I do but I am asking you, is it really just about the kids? What does this development mean for you? If you say nothing then you’re not being honest with yourself. Anyone who comes into you or your ex’s lives, therefore the children’s lives will change the dynamics. And that’s something you should think about now and understand how you really feel about it. It’s not about jealousy or some kind of dormant feelings for your ex. It’s about how this affects your family/coparenting dynamic.

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She has explained that she's not bothered he has a new partner, her posts don't read that she is bothered about that at all, you are telling her she doesn't know her own mind.

TipsyJoker · 19/10/2024 19:08

Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/10/2024 17:40

She has explained that she's not bothered he has a new partner, her posts don't read that she is bothered about that at all, you are telling her she doesn't know her own mind.

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If she’s not bothered about it then why is she posting it on mn? And why does she keep repeating that she’s not bothered as long as the kids are happy. If that’s the case then it’s a non issue so why post it? What’s wrong with looking at our own thoughts and motivations? Nothing.

Original poster

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 19:15

TipsyJoker · 19/10/2024 19:08

If she’s not bothered about it then why is she posting it on mn? And why does she keep repeating that she’s not bothered as long as the kids are happy. If that’s the case then it’s a non issue so why post it? What’s wrong with looking at our own thoughts and motivations? Nothing.

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I have to keep saying its just to make sure the kids are happy etc . Because you keep banging on and telling me what I'm thinking. Although some of the stuff you said does make sense and I appreciate that. But you can't be telling me what I'm thinking and that I'm lying to myself. Some of the stuff you have said has been helpful and I thank you for that part . Other posters have also been helpful with their comments.

And the why did she post on mn makes absolutely no sense... why does anyone post on mn .

OP posts:

TipsyJoker · 19/10/2024 19:20

Someonenew22 · 19/10/2024 19:15

I have to keep saying its just to make sure the kids are happy etc . Because you keep banging on and telling me what I'm thinking. Although some of the stuff you said does make sense and I appreciate that. But you can't be telling me what I'm thinking and that I'm lying to myself. Some of the stuff you have said has been helpful and I thank you for that part . Other posters have also been helpful with their comments.

And the why did she post on mn makes absolutely no sense... why does anyone post on mn .

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Well, usually because they have a problem or issue of some kind. Especially in the relationships topic. Im not telling you what you’re thinking I’m asking questions about how you’re feeling and if you should delve a bit further into that. I’m glad some of what I’ve said has been helpful. I hope everything works out well and wish you all the best.