Hi everyone. Its like the Second time in my life Im doing this - posting my feelings online in seek for support.
3 years ago I met my boyfriend and fell in love with him. He is a very talented musician and the moment he started singing to me, I wanted him mine. However our relationship wasnt the most romantic thing, because he had many mental health issues, like he got often paranoied over silly things, he had major panic attacks that made him literally paralized, anxiety, plus he was taking helexu each night for sleeping cuz he couldnt sleep at night .
His issues were consequences of bad breakup with exes, his childhood and his oversensitivity.
Anyways I started to feel heavy myself, soon I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety too. I know for sure that partly this was a consequence of my last breakup but I always felt it is connected also to my boyfriend, since I must say I am a person who easily and quickly absorbs other people's energy.
If there werent mental health issues we would be great couple, we have many common things,. We used to play and song together.. I love his energy and charisma.
This year he quit his job to take some time off for himself - he spet half year in our flat and later on I found out that was the time he started taking drugs. He explained to me that he learnt drugs could help him in small doses to overcome his depression, but eventually he started abusing them and things got out of control.
As a rock star he used to drink alcohol since young age and continued ever since.. At least 2 beers per day.
Eventually it came to the point I couldnt take it anymore and so I moved out of our flat. His alcohol and drug a use worsened also cuz he was losing me so he decided he will go to a rehab.
Now he is in a rehab and will stay there for 4 months.
He once told me he always had a feeling that I dont really want him to be my life partner. And he kinda had right, he was too irresponsible and unstable at times.
Before going to a rehab he told me he needs my support and love more then ever. He needs to have hope that when he gets out I will be there waiting for him.
Now when in rehab our contact is limited we only hear each other once per week on phone.
My feelings now are mixed. I love him so much and I cant immagine to let him go, but on the other hand my mental health got better now while im away from him. He wants to prove me he will overcome his alcohol addiction and try hard to win me back.
I dont know what to do. Help.