Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Soon to be ex

3 replies

Nejla88 · 18/10/2024 18:25

Hi everyone. Its like the Second time in my life Im doing this - posting my feelings online in seek for support.

3 years ago I met my boyfriend and fell in love with him. He is a very talented musician and the moment he started singing to me, I wanted him mine. However our relationship wasnt the most romantic thing, because he had many mental health issues, like he got often paranoied over silly things, he had major panic attacks that made him literally paralized, anxiety, plus he was taking helexu each night for sleeping cuz he couldnt sleep at night .
His issues were consequences of bad breakup with exes, his childhood and his oversensitivity.

Anyways I started to feel heavy myself, soon I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety too. I know for sure that partly this was a consequence of my last breakup but I always felt it is connected also to my boyfriend, since I must say I am a person who easily and quickly absorbs other people's energy.

If there werent mental health issues we would be great couple, we have many common things,. We used to play and song together.. I love his energy and charisma.

This year he quit his job to take some time off for himself - he spet half year in our flat and later on I found out that was the time he started taking drugs. He explained to me that he learnt drugs could help him in small doses to overcome his depression, but eventually he started abusing them and things got out of control.
As a rock star he used to drink alcohol since young age and continued ever since.. At least 2 beers per day.

Eventually it came to the point I couldnt take it anymore and so I moved out of our flat. His alcohol and drug a use worsened also cuz he was losing me so he decided he will go to a rehab.

Now he is in a rehab and will stay there for 4 months.
He once told me he always had a feeling that I dont really want him to be my life partner. And he kinda had right, he was too irresponsible and unstable at times.
Before going to a rehab he told me he needs my support and love more then ever. He needs to have hope that when he gets out I will be there waiting for him.
Now when in rehab our contact is limited we only hear each other once per week on phone.
My feelings now are mixed. I love him so much and I cant immagine to let him go, but on the other hand my mental health got better now while im away from him. He wants to prove me he will overcome his alcohol addiction and try hard to win me back.

I dont know what to do. Help.

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 18/10/2024 18:48

Focus on yourself and your own mental health. He needs to focus on his addiction issues. He can’t build that on the promise that you’ll restart your relationship with him. 1) that’s manipulative and unfair to you as it obligates you when it prob isn’t a good idea for you right now and 2) if you end the relationship he could use that as an excuse for relapse. He needs to go through his recovery and then, maybe you could get back together when he’s been sober for a good period of time and you’re happy in yourself again. So, I would tell him that as much as you love him, you both need to focus on sorting yourself out individually. You can’t promise him anything and he can’t promise you anything either.

Nejla88 · 19/10/2024 05:21

TipsyJoker · 18/10/2024 18:48

Focus on yourself and your own mental health. He needs to focus on his addiction issues. He can’t build that on the promise that you’ll restart your relationship with him. 1) that’s manipulative and unfair to you as it obligates you when it prob isn’t a good idea for you right now and 2) if you end the relationship he could use that as an excuse for relapse. He needs to go through his recovery and then, maybe you could get back together when he’s been sober for a good period of time and you’re happy in yourself again. So, I would tell him that as much as you love him, you both need to focus on sorting yourself out individually. You can’t promise him anything and he can’t promise you anything either.

Thank You so much for your advice, it really means a lot! 🙏❤️ I agree with you🍀

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 19/10/2024 05:28

@Nejla88 are you absolutely sure he's in rehab? As it sounds like he's being given the wrong advice if so. He shouldn't be depending on you to be his emotional support. Anyway it does sound as if you would be much better drawing away from him as he has a very negative impact on your own wellbeing.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread