My ex and I were on and off for a number of years, there were big red flags about our compatibility and I tried to end it several times... he would always guilt trip me back into it with fake promises etc. The last time i fell for it we moved in together, and our lives became so intertwined that I felt trapped. Instead of recognising this and walking away, I stayed put and tried to fix it because I was scared of starting over - he had effected my self esteem to the point that I didn't realise I was worthy of anything good and made me quite dependent on him (looking back there were definitely elements of gaslighting and narcissistic tendencies). We then got engaged and I tried to plan a dream wedding in hope that that would fix things and I would feel happy (I thought no one else would want someone like me so I may as well just go along with it all and please everyone else who seemed to love him). It ultimately ended with him calling it all off (the biggest blessing in disguise ever) - as I had lost all perception at this point and was too scared of humiliation and lacked confidence to stand up for myself anymore. When he called it off, he validated all the concerns I had been trying to communicate for so long but previously had been made to feel like I was creating issues for no reason. I hadn't communicated any of the issues to family and friends because I thought I was crazy. I was extremely shocked as I had completely resigned myself to this being the way it had to be, and felt so humiliated about letting my friends/family and myself down, but then very quickly felt relief. I met someone new quite quickly (without the intention of moving on so soon!) and I'm the happiest I've ever been, I didn't know compatibility or happiness like this was possible. We went on a date a month after my breakup (my mum had encouraged me to join bumble) and took another 3 months before getting into a relationship. Unknowingly we went to the same uni, studied the same degree, had friends in common - shared interests, similar outlooks on life - things I never had in my last relationship but always craved, but whenever I raised it with my ex I was made to feel like my needs weren't possible and to use his words "no man really wants to spend time with their partner" - I was deluded into thinking the happiness I craved was unrealistic. Why is it that I feel guilty and worry so much that people are judging and misunderstanding me? Everyone always assumes it's a rebound but really I wasn't happy in my last relationship, I was just too scared to do anything about it? The biggest issue for me was the lack of self esteem as that is what kept me in the unhappy relationship, and I am still working on that in therapy - my new partner has been an incredible support and so understanding. Any advice to make me feel better, and less judged would be amazing...