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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I leave?

3 replies

PrincessTorte · 18/10/2024 07:02

I am 41, married and have two kids - 12 and 14. When I met my husband, I had moved to this country from abroad and I guess I was desperate for stability. My parents kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to marry him because he was grumpy and said some unkind things in my parents’ presence. I was delusional and said of course I did. Our wedding day was pretty awful. He spent most of the time talking to his dad and was obviously really upset about having to dance with me. Then he exploded with anger on the way to the hotel after the wedding, because I messed up the directions. I was 5 months pregnant at the time. We had a very tumultuous first few years- lots of fighting mixed with some happy times. There were occasions that he got so angry that he threw things and broke things. Visiting my family with him was pure hell because he would be so grumpy and it would spoil every event. I eventually convinced him to go on antidepressants and things have been a bit better since then. However I believe I have become ill from the stress and have several autoimmune disorders. He seems to really love me and says and does lots of kind things. But on the flip side, that anger and explosive tendency hovers under the surface, waiting to come out, and is definitely not gone. He is a very tense, nervous person and my children and I have a much calmer time at home when he is away. I guess I am having a bit of a mid life crisis and wondering if I want to live with this stress for the rest of my life. I am a shell of who I used to be, but a lot of that could be due to my illnesses. I don’t want a broken home for my children. I just don’t know what to do.😞

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 18/10/2024 07:23

Only you can decide. But you’ve asked the important question yourself, do you want this for the rest of your life?
If I were you I’d get my ducks in a row, give it until after Xmas now, and take that time to think.

whathaveiforgotten · 18/10/2024 07:25

I don’t want a broken home for my children.

Better a 'broken home' (a horrible phrase) than an unhappy, tense one where they and their mum are walking on eggshells because they're all scared of their dad's temper.

It's a damaging and toxic environment for children to grow up in and the longer they are under the same roof as it, the more likely it is they will replicate it themselves as adults.

Can you bear the thought of them either becoming like him, or being with someone like him?

PrincessTorte · 18/10/2024 07:29

That’s what I worry about - that my daughters will see this as normal.😞 It’s really difficult though because at times he is really loving and kind, so it makes me forget about the other times and feel a bit silly.

OP posts:
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