This is what I wanted, why am I sad?

[Lis667]

Seperated from husband after 15 years. He’s the only man Iv ever been with from 17. Iv been unhappy for so long, finally separated. It’s hard as he’s still living in the home so very weird and awkward. I’m still attracted to him so find my self second guessing myself and questioning it even though its the right thing. I can’t heal whilst he is here, no idea when he is leaving as he needs to get himself sorted. We have a 2 year old, I know it’s normal to feel sad, Iv dreamt about this when I was with him so now when I have it why is my brain doing this. I’m drained.

Why were you so unhappy in the first place?

A lot of reasons, constant bickering. Lack of effort from him, resentment towards him because of my work load in the house. Unkind comments to words my family, unfair behaviour towards me. I can go on?

Is there any chance that these issues could be addressed through couples therapy and better communication? Do you feel he has been an idiot or has he been emotionally abusive? Obviously, if he’s been abusive you should leave but if it’s poor communication and complacency due to the longevity of your relationship, perhaps you could work on it and get to a place that works for you. And then. If it doesn’t work at least you can walk away knowing that you gave it every possible chance. Do you have children?

We’ve been in this situation four times this year. Nothing is changing, We have a 2 year old, and it’s unfair to her to argue all the time. We’ve tried so many times, I suggested counselling last time, but we never went. He refused at first then he said he would go but we never went and he wasn’t interested. Iv already paid £1200 in solicitors fees to start divorce so there’s no going back.

I think what you are feeling is normal, when you end a relationship your brain quickly sees what has been lost and not the bigger picture. Can you get away with your toddler, even for a short period or a day/weekend? See friends etc? Talk to friends who understand what you have been through? It’s a huge adjustment but you will be ok xx

You're sad because your relationship has ended, it's normal to be sad.

It isn't what you wanted, you would presumably have preferred a happy relationship.

This. Also you grieving for the relationship that you thought you had. You need to have some professional counselling my darling. Good luck - you are a strong woman you can get through this. xx

It’s going to be sifts you’re still living together so you haven’t had a chance to be on your own and start your new life.

Well, if he’s unwilling to work with you then there’s not much you can do about that. It’s very sad when relationships come to an end because someone just won’t work on it. Relationships are work. Marriages need maintenance, as you know. That fact that you’re sad is absolutely understandable and you will be going through a grieving process as you leave behind the hopes and dreams you planned for when you got married and had your child. Hopefully, you can remain as amicable as possible and foster a good co-parenting relationship for the sake of your child. It’s all very raw right now, just give it a little time. I do think that living in the same home whilst you go through this process might make it harder but I also realise that sometimes it’s logistically unavoidable. I wish you and your family the best possible outcome.