Getting 'under' someone new

[Boreda1985]

I've just come out of a short but, for me, very lovely relationship.
I really, really seemed to like the guy and we had such a great chemistry so I was shocked when he said he didn't want any commitment. Totally gutted. But there you go!

Anyway, I'm finding it so difficult to move on! I see the guy regularly as we work in the same office. He's totally fine with me, we often chat politely in front of others. But obviously this all messes with my head - I analyse everything he says and does.

So, I need get a grip and move on. Has anyone else found that using a new man can help with this. Obviously, I'd be upfront with the new man. I recently met someone who seems to be up for a 'friends with benefit ' situation.
Has anyone done this and did it help you to get over an ex?

Yes very effectively in fact and more than once!

Got over my 15 year marriage doing this. Issue is we are in a relationship now but he was just my fwb anyways I'm healed now 2.5 years later I've solo bought ex out supported new partner learning to drive getting cscs card everything multiple jobs as he accepted all this help and I did it to get over my marriage. Anyways since medicated for adhd and I've realised the chap I've shacked up with I think only wants me for my money and car and I'm stressed. So yes while it is good don't run with false emotions lust and the desire to be loved by a man

My darling I'd suggest that you don't get into another relationship just yet. I suggest 2 things:
1/ get counselling
2/ avoid this person as far as possible
It's not helping you move on in any way.
You need the space to get over him & to move on.

Good luck😘

Thanks.
I have had counselling, I've also tried keeping away. It's very difficult as I have to see him at least twice a week. And we generally have a chat at least once a week.
And sometimes he randomly texts me when he doesn't need to.
I used to convince myself that it was because he still likes me, but really I know it's because he wants to keep me as an option.

I think that, maybe another man will distract me and help me to realise that there are other options.

Block him, for starters.

Any chance of moving work location?

Yes absolutely but be reasonably picky. it has to be someone kind, whom you have some level of cerebral connection and common ground with even if not long term partnership material otherwise you'll just compare and be more unsatisfied.

If you can move office or job without too much effort it may be worth it.

I'd suggest a new passion or hobby rather than a man. If we are very honest an awful lot of them are very disappointing.

I can't move jobs. It's a pain, I wish I didn't have to see him because I feel like I'd get over it pretty quickly. He's not that nice!🤣 I seem to have built up an imagined idea of who he is.
He thinks we are mates I think - like we haven't even spent a year sleeping together. For him, it's like it never happened.

I've met a nice bloke who i quite fancy, but when we kissed I just didn't feel 'the thing' and I kept picturing my ex.
But, with time, I feel like a bit of attention might help! Maybe...

Was it a polite kiss? Maybe give it another whirl, and see... the anticipation is often a huge part of the feels

Nope, it was a full on snog.
Not a bad kiss, but I need to really like someone's personality if I'm going to really enjoy a kiss.
So, maybe a perfect candidate for a FWB? He's lovely, but not for me in a relationship way.

Be careful as this is very similar to what you’ve just had with your work colleague except the shoe is on the other foot.

No, I'd say you need distraction even if it's only temporary. If you've met someone, kissed and are still thinking about your ex, he isn't it. He isn't a long term 'maybe' and hasn't taken your mind off your ex shirt term so I'd say isn't the man for the job.

Certainly. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone. Enjoy.

This is what I thought. Wouldn't you be swapping someone who doesn't want commitment for someone else who also doesn't want commitment? You must be looking for a committed relationship, otherwise the first guy's comment wouldn't have been a reason to split up. If you still really like him, maybe he'd be happy with a FWB situation... but ultimately, would you?

Classy

What a misogynistic response! Would you say the same about a man? The OP has said she might be interested in a FWB situation.

Yea, but I can't do fwb with the first bloke, cause I like him too much. But, what I'm asking if a bit of a 'fling' with someone I like but who I'm not in love with, might help me move on?

It probably won’t unfortunately. I tried this and it didn’t really help.