Addicted to toxicity?

[HomeCookingWannabe]

Hi,
I was seeing a guy for a couple of months. We absolutely adore each other as individuals but are completely incompatible - we drive each other round the bend, seem incapable of communicating properly and end up in lots of petty arguments. So I ended it. He wants us to get back together, and has almost normalised this behaviour and on-off pattern.

And I see it all the time on here, people posting about broken relationships they've only been in for 5 minutes.

It makes me wonder. Is it learned behaviour of what a relationship looks like, are people frightened to be alone, or are some just addicted to toxicity?

FWIW 1 - I'm not considering getting back together, but he messaged and it made me reflect
FWIW 2 - we are both mid-30s, though it reminds me very much of being a teenager again lol

please say no children on either side?

@earlylunch No, no kids. But also its not like raised voices or anything that would impact kids if they were here.

All such a waste of time and energy

Have you ever had a healthy happy long term relationship?

@earlylunch me? Yeah loads, that's why I know what good looks like and didnt continue this

You’re in your mid thirties and so is he

and this reads like year 9 on-off-on-off

You are not cut out for each other. Simple as that really

I wouldn’t even waste my time navel gazing about him op

@earlylunch I think you might have misread my post :)

I'm not asking whether I should stay, I already ended it. I'm asking what makes people have these unhealthy relationships / want to try and make them work

“loads” of happy healthy long term relationships?

Op the very fact that you subjected yourself to this kind of drama and silliness for a few months means you really need to raise your standards. You are worth more than immature fools like this

Ask yourself? You were with him for a few months. What made you stay?

@earlylunch It was like 6 weeks or something like that

and the first, second, third, fourth time he behaved like a silly tool…. what
made you stick at it?

@earlylunch As I say, its not him being a bad person, it's different styles. I'm sorry i'm not the victim you'd like me to be, but that really isn't how this went, nor the question I asked.

I think people can get hooked on the highs that come with the lows of this kind of relationship.

I do see you as a victim

You spent a couple of months with this man absorbing your time and energy under the guise of this being a “relationship”

Well done for making the break

and has almost normalised this behaviour and on-off pattern.

for a man in his mid thirties to behave like this? shudder

I get what you’re asking OP and yes I do think there’s people out there addicted to the drama.

After my marriage ended I had an 18 month rebound relationship and looking back it was incredibly toxic. Had I not been in the headspace I was back then I wouldn’t have touched him with a bargepole but I accept I was vulnerable back then.

Since we plot he’s jumped from one drama filled relationship to the next without pausing for breath. But I honestly think he thrives on the chaos and isn’t capable of a normal adult relationship.

I had no idea until I met him that grown adults lived these soap opera type lives but they’re definitely out there. Me I enjoy my peace and quiet now and am much better at spotting red flags very quickly.

And btw this guy is 60 so there’s no age limit on toxic drama loving peiple.

Thanks all.