So miserable and low

[Dogcraz]

Evening all. This might be a long post so please bear with me.. my partner and I have been together for 20 years and we have 2 children ( 19+14) my partner has always had ‘ issues’ he’s very moody, aggressive manner etc and this came to a head 2 weeks ago when we were out in the car, the previous night I had woken in the night and he turned straight over and asked if I fancied a ‘ quickie’ I said no I was tired he rolled over and we both went back to sleep. Woke up the next morning and he was moody, wouldn’t engage in conversation so I suggested we go out to try and clear the air, once out in the car I kept asking what was wrong and I basically got a tirade of abuse about how I never make an effort ( he pesters constantly) and that if he didn’t pester and sulk he’d never get sex, he was vile, I completely snapped and told him our relationship was over, I’ve lived for years like this, he promises to change, go to the Drs, but ultimately he never does. He’s always been like this and I don’t think he will ever change. Fast forward to today and he’s spent days, begging, pleading for another chance but I am so done, the problem is he’s making me ill, telling me I won’t cope without him, I’ll never manage money, that I’m blowing things out of proportion, going on and on and on and I’m struggling to function properly. I’m still going to work but it’s soooo hard as I just feel like giving up ( I won’t) but there’s only so much constant negativity you can hear, he says he’s looking for a flat ( but not really making an effort) I’ve also been accused of seeing someone else ( I’m not) I’ve contacted a few places, women aid being one of them and they’ve been brilliant. Why can’t he see he’s the problem? There is soooo much more but there isn’t enough hours in the day to go into everything. Thank you for reading ❤️

His behaviour is abusive and unacceptable. Nobody deserves to bullied into sex. Emotionally, physically. I honestly hope you can find the strength to consider leaving.
The kids are old enough. Would you have half the house, can you move in with family while your head hurts in order?
Its not right what he's doing. Can you kick him out?

You will manage perfectly well if not better without him.
He knows this!

Hel never see that he's the problem. But hold strong, you're doing the right thing in splitting up.

Thank you ❤️ I honestly feel like I’m I’m going mad, just about keeping my head above water, thankfully we live in an council house and the tenancy is only in my name, I wouldn’t be able to leave as my kids need me here, I know they’re older but the eldest has very bad depression and anxiety and needs me to be here, I’m trying to be reasonable and give him time to get deposit together but at the same time he is making me ill being here, he says I make myself ill. He genuinely doesn’t seem to think he’s done anything wrong, and last night was already talking about moving on with someone else and that he wouldn’t come back if I changed my mind.

You will manage SOOOOO much better once you’re shot of him. He’s the ones making you feel ill. He’s abusive and he needs to go. What’s your housing situation? If both names are on the lease/mortgage you can go to court for an occupation order to have him removed legally from the property so you and the children can remain there.

Look into your works policy on supporting employees experiencing domestic abuse. They might be able to support you too. It’s worth finding out.

If you can’t get him out the house, could you apply to all your local housing associations and local council, telling them you need to flee domestic abuse with your two children.

Also, report him ti the police. He’s a criminal who’s abusing you. That’s illegal. No-one deserves to be abused and this will be harming you and your children.

Thank you all so much, the support honestly means so much to me ❤️. We live in a council house but it’s my name on the tenancy, so maybe I could go down the route of, you’ve got 1 more week to leave or I’ll force you out?? What do you guys think??

It's worth going through all this knowing it will soon end. Try to engage as little as possible with him. Pick one sentence and keep saying eg.
Him: your life will be a mess now, you will never cope
You: You may be right!
Don't try to justify yourself or explain. Stick with it. Your dc are grown, no babies, you will be fine. Actually your 19 year old may be happier and hopefully his mental health may improve.
This is hell at the moment but hey!! better days are coming. It won't be like this forever.

KEEP GOING!

@junebirthdaygirl I really needed to hear that, thank you ❤️

You will be so much better off without him, please don't let him get into your head. Imagine how well you WILL cope with nobody to drag you down and make you feel this way every day! You deserve happiness and peace in your own home. He thought he could abuse you into submission and give him what he wants. Fuck that noise.
You need to give this gift to yourself and get the poison out of your life.

@Thepossibility Thank you so very much ❤️

Honestly you will feel 100% happier when you have got him out of your house and out of your life. At last you will be able to breathe again, have peace in your own home and won't have to fight off the demands of this nasty sex pest. Of course you will cope, in fact l bet you gain a new lease of life! Thank goodness the tenancy is in your name only, give him a week to leave and no more.

If you're not married and you're the tenant, then yeah, give him a deadline to leave.